Benjamin's Baby Blessing

We had Benjamin's blessing on Saturday (August 15th) at our home. My parents were in town (my mom has been here for nearly 2 weeks and my dad flew in on Thursday) and by lucky coincidence, my brother and his wife Elisa and daughter Grisette were able to be there too. My brother lives in New Jersey but is attending a work conference in Florida and they were able to stop in Atlanta on their way to Orlando. 

Several members of David's family were able to be there, including lots and lots of cousins. It was a big party. In addition to my dad and brother, David's dad, and two brothers-in-law, Jeremy and Matt, were also able to bless Benjamin. The first counselor in the bishopric, Brother McCreary, was also there to make things official.

David started the blessing by telling Benjamin how grateful we are to have him in our family and that we have been expecting his arrival for some time. He blessed him to be filled with optimism and hope despite the ever increasing dangers of the world and to be filled with curiosity and a desire to learn. He also blessed him with patience, love and virtue and that he would be a good example to both his sisters and his parents. David also told him to be mindful of those in need and to serve them in any way that he can.

About as good a family photo as we're every likely to get.

 David and Benjamin after the blessing.

 Sweet sleeping baby.

David's mom and dad with Benjamin.

Such a handsome boy.

After the blessing, we had a big dinner and the kids played and played and played while the adults chatted. Benjamin had an exciting day yesterday and didn't get many naps so he ended up sleeping straight through the night, bless him. He's more than made up for it today with lots of extra feedings and mini naps. We just love this little boy.

Introducing Benjamin Rhys Malone

Benjamin Rhys Malone

Born: Sunday, July 26, 2015

Time: 9:39 AM

Weight: 8 pounds 12 ounces

Length: 19.5 inches

I see so many similarities and differences in the labors and deliveries of my three children. Benjamin’s was my quickest and perhaps easiest labor, but if I had to rank them, I’d still say Adelaide’s was my favorite (if you can have a favorite tale of pain and baby birthing). But since I love birth stories, here’s Benjamin’s story.

I’d been having contractions on and off for nearly two weeks (sometimes with more intensity and frequency than other times) and I waited expectantly for true labor to begin at any moment. For nearly a week, I thought every day was going to be THE day. With each passing day of continued pregnancy, my optimism faded. I had myself absolutely convinced he would arrive on Friday, July 24^th, but after a day of nearly constant but intermittent contractions, I still found myself pregnant by day’s end. On Saturday, my contractions stopped. My sister predicted the baby would come Sunday since she had a very similar labor with her third child. Near constant contractions, 24 hours of nothing, and then boom. Baby.  I hoped she was right but didn’t want to get my hopes up again.

We spent our Saturday together as a family. We walked to Zara’s school and played at their playground and then came home to eat popsicles and lunch. We decided to introduce the girls to Star Wars and so settled in with some popcorn and Episode IV, which the girls seemed to like. (Adelaide especially liked Chewbacca, who she kept calling a bear.) Not being much in the mood to cook, we went to Panda Express for dinner. My fortune, fittingly enough, said “Remember yesterday, live for today, and plan for tomorrow.” After putting the girls to bed, I watched some TV, took a shower, and fell into a fitful sleep.

Around 3 AM, I woke up to use the bathroom but found I was too restless to fall back asleep. I had a contraction and finding it slightly more intense than usual, I decided to start tracking them. I laid in bed for about half an hour and then moved into the living room to use my exercise ball. The contractions were definitely harder but still only 5-7 minutes apart. By 4 o’clock, I thought it was time to wake up David. I didn’t want to delay going to the hospital since I knew it would take us a long time to get the girls situated and drive to the hospital which is 30 minutes away if there’s no traffic.

David was very disoriented since he had stayed up way too late watching a movie and hadn’t been asleep long. He hopped in the shower while I went to call the on-call midwife and his sister, Fiona, about watching the girls. By 5 AM, my contractions were now 3-5 minutes apart and growing more intense but still manageable. We packed up the car and woke up the girls to drive them to Fiona’s house about 15 minutes away. The girls were excited about the baby’s arrival and Zara excitedly kept talking about her baby brother. Adelaide seemed rather distraught when we dropped her off at Fiona’s house but Fiona assured me she didn’t cry for very long.

Back in the car, we made our way to the hospital, still another 30 minutes away. My contractions had now slowed down again, which worried me since I didn’t want to arrive at the hospital only to be told I was having false labor. The contractions were more painful, but back to 7-10 minutes apart. I thought part of the problem was the fact that I was sitting down. I just needed to get up again and move around to keep my labor going.

We pulled into the hospital parking garage around 6 AM and made our way to the Labor and Delivery unit on the 7^th floor. I’d never actually been inside the hospital so I had no idea what to expect. All I knew is that this hospital (in downtown Atlanta) is one of only two hospitals in the metro Atlanta area that specialize in natural childbirths and allow waterbirths at their facilities. My midwives only deliver at this hospital and have a strong partnership with them, which is why I had chosen to work with my midwife group and deliver at Atlanta Medical Center (AMC) in the first place.

Georgia unfortunately doesn’t have any birth centers and homebirths reside in a somewhat legal gray area which is why I ultimately opted to have a hospital delivery. I’d asked them many questions about what to expect at AMC and I had thought it would be more like my birth center experience but I was quickly to discover that they would operate like most other hospitals when it came to labor and delivery—lots of “standard measures of care” and little choice.

As soon as we checked in, I was taken to a triage room where I was required to put on one of those delightful hospital gowns that don’t close in the back even though I had specifically requested in my birth plan that I wanted to labor in my own clothes. I also had to have 20 minutes of constant fetal monitoring before they’d let me go into a labor and delivery room. This was also something I didn’t want because I knew having to lay in bed for 20 minutes would slow my labor once again.

The baby’s heartbeat was strong, but the nurses were concerned that my contractions were still so far apart. But when they checked me, I was already dilated to a 7, maybe an 8 and so they finally believed me when I said I just needed to get up and move around. It had been well over 30 minutes by this point and I was anxious to get into the labor and delivery room and into the promised birth tub to continue my labor since my contractions were slowly but surely growing more painful.

The on-call midwife, Gloria, finally arrived to deliver some bad news. Even though I had been told that my Group B strep results had come back negative from the lab, it looked like the results had been input incorrectly and my labs actually showed that I was positive for Group B strep and would need antibiotics. I had strenuously hoped to avoid this outcome since I hate getting IVs with a passion. I was positive with Zara and I found the IV to be the most painful and annoying aspect of the delivery. I was negative with Adelaide and really loved having the freedom of movement.

I also knew that getting an IV line with the antibiotics also had the potential to slow down my labor as well. They also need to deliver the antibiotics in two doses over 4 hours and I knew we didn’t have time for that. It was creeping closer to 7 AM by this point and for some reason, I was confident that this baby would come around 9 o’clock. After a lot of back and forth, Gloria finally agreed that we could decline the antibiotics (even though it wasn’t the “standard of care”) and that we would have to monitor the baby closely after birth for any signs of infection.

Finally they said we could move into a labor and delivery room and that they’d get a tech to start setting up the birth tub for me. But as with most things in hospitals, it seemed to take forever for anything to happen. Our 20 minutes of fetal monitoring had stretched to nearly an hour. The tub was inflated and brought into our room, but they wouldn’t start filling it up until the baby’s heartbeat showed enough “variability.” That took another 10 minutes of constant fetal monitoring (which they begrudgingly let me do standing up) while I powered through a few stronger and more intense contractions.

They started to fill up the tub but the water was barely even lukewarm. We cranked it up as high as it would go, but it never got very hot. They suggested moving to another room but I knew we didn’t have time for that. I just wanted to get into the tub for the last part of transition since I was already starting to feel small urges to push and my contractions were getting much more painful. Once the tub was finally filled, I climbed in and it provided some instant relief to my labor pains.

By now another midwife, Anna, had joined us. I’d only met with Anna once before (she’s one of the back-up midwives and not one of the regular members of the group) but I had really clicked with her at our one and only office visit and I was glad that she was there to help with the birth. Gloria popped in and out, but it was Anna who sat with us through the rest of the labor and who ultimately delivered Benjamin. 

We sat and chatted as my contractions came and went. My water hadn’t broken yet and my contractions, while definitely feeling more painful and intense, were still quite spaced apart. I was able to relax quite a bit between each one and as we neared 9 AM, a slight but not insistent urge to push started to accompany my contractions. The water was quickly cooling down. I knew I didn’t want to deliver in the tub, and I was just about to get out when a phlebotomist came into the room to draw some blood. (Why, I have no idea but it’s good she was so fast at her job.)

After she left with her vials of blood, I asked for help getting out of the tub so that they could check my cervix once more and possibly break my water and start pushing if the baby was in position. Anna checked me and was surprised to discover that the baby’s head was sitting low and that I was fully dilated. On the next contraction, she broke my water.

With both Zara and Adelaide, I felt an intense and sudden urge to push. With Benjamin, I just felt “pushy,” like I wanted to push but I could hold off if I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have this huge urge to push so it came as a surprise to both Anna and myself that on my next contraction, I started pushing and Benjamin just came flying out. With both Zara and Adelaide, I would push for a minute or two, rest for a few minutes and then push more. With Benjamin, it was five minutes of continuous pushing and then he emerged.

Since Anna had just broken my water, I was lying on my back when the pushing started, which was not the position I wanted to deliver in. I tried to turn around on the bed to get into a squatting position or on my knees but Benjamin was coming out too fast and I couldn’t maneuver differently. I just had to keep pushing in the most awkward position ever and suddenly, I had a baby. I couldn’t believe how quickly he arrived. He was born at 9:39 AM, so my prediction that he’d be born during the 9 o’clock hour came true.

I had a first degree tear which required a few stitches (ugh) and I held Benjamin and tried to nurse as they delivered the placenta and stitched me up. It wasn’t until then that we learned that because I’d declined the antibiotics, we might have to stay at the hospital for 48 hours in order to monitor Benjamin and make sure he didn’t have an infection. We finally got the pediatrician to agree that if his 24 hour cultures came back clear, we could leave after a day. There was no way I was going to stay in the hospital for 2 days. I went home 4 hours after giving birth to Adelaide so the thought of staying even for 24 hours was torture.

We were taken down to our new room in the mother’s wing and I passed an especially boring 24 hours. I know some women seem to enjoy their hospital stay because they can lay in bed and just focus on the new baby, but I was itching to get home. The hospital bed was uncomfortable, the food was terrible, and I hated being constantly poked and prodded every hour or two. Why does my blood pressure and temperature need to be taken so frequently, especially in the middle of the night? The only bright spot was that my room had an amazing view of downtown Atlanta.

In any case, we finally got the go ahead to leave the hospital around 4 o’clock on Monday afternoon. I am incredibly thankful that Benjamin’s birth—despite some of the set-backs and inconveniences—went so smoothly and that he came so quickly once true labor got started. Overall, it wasn’t a bad experience but if I ever get pregnant again (which I don’t intend to) I think I’m ready to do a homebirth. No more hospitals for me. But at least I got to come home with one cute little boy.

Edited to Add: I realize this post may come off as whiney especially since my complaints are so minor in the grand scheme of things that could have gone wrong. I recognize my extreme privilege in having such easy and uncomplicated deliveries when so many other women have much different experiences. But I did want to document all the events of Benjamin's birth and my feelings surrounding it which includes a fair bit of whining.

32 Weeks

I figure that since this is probably the last time I'll be pregnant (barring some divine intervention or faulty birth control) I should try to document this pregnancy a little better. Not the greatest picture, but this is me at 32 weeks. 

I'm always surprised how often random people see me and know just by looking at my stomach that I'm having a boy. I know it's supposedly in how you carry, but honestly, I don't think there's really been a difference in how I've carried the girls versus this boy. And though many people say their pregnancies feel very different depending on the sex of their child, this has felt very similar to my previous pregnancies, though I'm maybe a little bit more tired. I do, however, feel gigantically huge, but I have to assume that's all in my head. Still, it's always disconcerting when you can't see your own feet.

I feel very fortunate that (so far) my pregnancy has been healthy and relatively easy with no unexpected complications or risks. I'm always anxious that something somewhere could go wrong, but so far, everything is proceeding as it should. Since Atlanta doesn't have any birth centers and I didn't feel quite comfortable with a homebirth,  I'm working with a group of midwives that deliver at one of two hospitals in metro Atlanta hospitals that offer waterbirths and have more natural childbirth friendly policies. Their practice and the hospital are both in Midtown Atlanta so it's a bit of a drive and I can only hope I don't go into labor at the height of rush hour traffic.

We have absolutely no idea what we're going to name this kid and I'm feeling rather uninspired by even the small list of candidates we've created so far.  Naming kids is hard, but I know we'll figure out something once he's born. The girls--especially Zara--are excited for their baby brother to arrive. I am too, until I remember how much I have to do still to prepare for his arrival and when I think about the actual process of giving birth. Again.

And don't even get me started on how freaked out I am about having 3 kids.

Oh Boy.

It's upside down, but here's the baby's head.

Yup. We're doing this again. 

Only this time it's a boy.

I have no idea what to do with a penis.

(That's really not supposed to sound dirty.)

I'm 20 weeks along, due on July 23rd, which is my dad's birthday.

Everything looked great at our ultrasound, which is good because I was convinced that there was something terribly wrong with this baby. Zara and Adelaide were both extremely active by this point in my pregnancy, and I've barely felt this little boy move. I'm going to pretend that means that he's going to be calm and easy going and sweet.

A mom can dream, can't she?

Miss Adelaide at 3ish Months

Let's be honest....Adelaide is going to get the shaft when it comes to monthly blog posts about her growth, she's not going to have photographs of every day of her life (at least for the first year) like Zara, and she's certainly not going to get lots of brand news clothes when her sister's hand-me-downs will serve her just fine. Life is tough for child #2.

That does not mean, however, that Adelaide is any less adored by all of us. She is a ray of sunshine in an otherwise difficult time in our lives. I want to jot down just a few things about her at 3.5 months so I don't forget.

Nicknames

Adelaide is quite a mouthful and we often get asked if we use a nickname for her. The short answer is no. The long answer is yes, but it varies.

David feels strongly that if Adelaide wants to shorten her name to any one of the many options available to her, that is her choice but we will not chose it for her. David absolutely detests the fact that even though his name is David and he always introduces himself as such, the majority of people who meet him automatically shorten it to Dave. (I did too when we first met.) He really wants to avoid that for our children. Adelaide is her name and Adelaide is what she shall be called until she informs us otherwise.

Personally, I call her lots of things. All parents have nicknames for their children...it's just the natural order of things. Some of them play off her name and some of them have absolutely no relation to her given name at all. The two most common names I call her are Lady Adelaide of the Cheeks and Smiles. The first because she has the most awesome cheeks in the world and the second because she loves to smile and show off her dimples.

I love the name Adelaide but I also love that it has such a large number of possible nicknames available to chose from including: Addie, Ada, Adele, Della, and Laidy. My favorite of the bunch is Laidy and I secretly sometimes call her that (when no one else is around). Laidy Malone sounds very regal. (Adelaide does mean noble after all.) My least favorite is Addie and I would just a tad disappointed if that was her preferred name. But I do believe it's her choice to decide what she prefers. I did the same, when I changed my name from Amanda to Lizzie in 4th grade and again when I shortened Lizzie to Liz in 9th grade. And for the record, I have never been called Elizabeth.

Stats
Adelaide was an above-average baby at birth (in terms of weight and length) and she has continued to top the charts as she has aged. The last few times I have weighed her, she has measured between 16 and 17 pounds and about 25-26ish inches.

Disposition 
I find Adelaide to be a relatively happy and easy going baby as long as she is properly feed, diapered and burped. She smiles all the time now and we've even managed to elicit a few adorable giggles out of her. (Zara is often the most effective at making her laugh.) She is also surprisingly tolerant of her big sister and cousins' almost incessant need to touch her, poke her, or pinch her cheeks. She rarely cries without reason and often calms down quickly if soothed.

She started to spit up a lot (both in frequency and volume) around week 4-5 and all attempts to discover the root of the troubles were in vain, including my pathetic attempt to eschew dairy. I was beside myself with concern over her constant reflux and it magically seemed to resolve itself during our 4 day cross country drive from Utah to Virginia. I don't know if she really was allergic to Utah or sitting more upright in her carseat for so long helped alleviate her problems but since moving to Virginia 5 weeks ago, she has only had 2 larger-than-average spit ups. It helps to burp her and keep her upright for a little bit after feeding.

Sleep
Sleep issues are the bane of my parenting existence. Zara was the model sleeper until everything went to hell at 4 months and I live in constant terror that Adelaide will wake up one day and decide that sleeping with any sort of regularity is for sissies and putting her down to sleep will not be tolerated. So far, she's a decent sleeper. She cat naps a lot during the day and often falls asleep while nursing and will stay asleep if held. Despite my love of cuddling sleeping babies (seriously, I think the key to world peace has something to do with snuggling sleeping babies), I often have to put her down to attend to her sister or take care of other things around the house. She will occasionally stay asleep, but more often than not, she'll wake up within 15-30 minutes. Depending on what I'm doing, I will wear her in the baby carrier and she will always conk out and sleep in that as long as I keep wearing it.

I do love wearing her and letting her sleep on me, but I also fear having her develop such a need to be held that she won't sleep on her own. By 4 months, Zara would not sleep anywhere but on me for any nap and refused to sleep in a crib so we co-slept for about a year. I don't mind co-sleeping at night, but having to wear and/or hold Zara for all her naps was very hard on me after a few months. I feel a bit selfish saying it, but I force myself to put Adelaide down so that she will eventually learn how to continue to sleep on her own.

She is, however, an excellent nighttime sleeper (knock on wood) and will often fall asleep all on her own. (A skill Zara never developed until much, much later.) I'll often nurse her around 9-9:30pm, wrap her up like a little baby burrito and put her down in her pack n' play still awake. She'll inevitably wrest her arms free after a few minutes of struggling and will munch on her fingers and occasionally whimper just a little bit until she falls asleep, often within 15-20 minutes, and will stay asleep for several hours. Since Zara never did this, I find this behavior in Adelaide to be the mark of angels and worthy of endless praise and adulation. I don't care that other babies have been doing this for centuries....mine is a blessed baby. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that month 4 doesn't unleash the furies of hell like it did with Zara.

Other Observances
Adelaide hates tummy time, but has excellent head control and strong legs. She's great at standing on her own with very little support and assistance.She will often roll from her back to one side or the other. She hasn't attempted to roll from her back to her belly or vice versa. [Update: As of 9/12, Adelaide can roll from her tummy to her back.]

She has entered the oral fixation stage of life and loves to put her fingers or her blanket in her mouth. She has started to drool more (as a result of munching on more) and sometimes acts irritable like she might be teething, but I think she's still got a ways to go until then. She is also quite taken with sucking her thumb, which I have many mixed emotions about.

When she gets excited, she'll start pumping her legs and flapping her arms with a huge grin on her face.

Unless pinned down, she will not allow any blanket to continue covering her for any amount of time.

She also moves around a bunch. She is never exactly where I left her.

She's almost outgrown her 3-6 months clothes, which she has been wearing since she was 6 weeks old.

By this age, it was apparent that Zara's hair had a bit of a curl to it. Adelaide's foretells no such future and is lighter than Zara's was. I think Adelaide's might continue to lighten, so that it's a nice honey blonde or even strawberry blonde.

All in all, we love our Adelaide and couldn't imagine these last 3 months without her. Here's hoping I'll update again before another 3 months have passed. Of course, we need some obligatory pictures:

Newborn Love

Whenever I imagined my future life with kids, I always pictured them as older children. I had never spent much time around young, young children and even though Zara is almost 3 years old, I still [mostly] have no idea what to do with her. But I do look forward to having older children, who can talk and read and reason and to teaching them from my vast amounts of wisdom and knowledge. (Ha!) I think that time comes around the age of 8, so in the meantime, I'm just trying to survive the early years.

I do, however, LOVE the newborn stage. Love it. Having sweet Adelaide around makes it even more difficult to practice patience with Zara's more colorful antics (especially her current insistence that she do everything herself...even when she realistically can't). And best of all, Adelaide never talks back and never throws tantrums....and if she does, it's generally solved by offering her more milk. Zara is not so easy to appease these days.

I love newborn cuddles and snuggles. I love the way Adelaide burrows her head into the crook of my neck and how I could sit and hold her for hours and be perfectly content. I love the little grunts and groans and snorts she makes when sleeping and I even mostly love her cries for milk or a diaper change. I love watching the various expressions that flit across her face as she sleeps and dreams, from pouty faces to angelic smiles (which show off her little dimples). I love the way she stretches and how she gets milk all over her face when she eats.

It's just too bad that newborns have to grow up. Mostly, that's a good thing. Newborns are a lot of work, but while it lasts, I really enjoy it. My friend, a photographer, needed a newborn model for her etsy shop (where she sells photography props) and I was more than happy to volunteer Adelaide. These are a few of the photos she took of Adelaide last week. I'm still waiting for her to send me the proofs (without her tag) but I just couldn't resist sharing the adorableness that is Adelaide.

Welcome Adelaide Grace Malone!

David and I are pleased to announce the birth of our second daughter, Adelaide Grace Malone. She was born at 4:28pm on Monday, May 20, 2013 and weighed in at a whopping 9 pounds, 12 ounces (yes you read that right) and measured 21.5 inches long. It seems quite fitting that she was born on May 20th, which, as my friend told me, is National Strawberry Picking Day, and Strawberry was the nickname that Zara gave her while still in utero.

I love birth stories. Everyone is so different and unique. Zara has quite the birth story and I thought Adelaide’s was rather uneventful in comparison, but now I think it’s just as special.

I’d been having mild contractions for a week or two preceding her birth and I was getting quite annoyed that they weren’t leading anywhere. I had already dilated to 3cm, but I knew I could walk around at a 3 for weeks before labor actually started. Still, I just wanted her to be born already and I hated getting my hopes up every day, only to go to bed that night still pregnant. The night of the 19^th, I started having some contractions which I felt were maybe a bit more productive. David helped me relax and get to sleep, but I fell asleep thinking that maybe I’d have a baby by the end the next day.

Monday morning, I woke up at 6am, feeling remarkably well-rested for the first time in weeks. I discovered that David was still asleep next to me. He typically wakes up at 5am so that he can leave by 6am to make it into work by 7am. I woke him up to tell him the time and he said that he had been too tired at 5am and had just wanted a little bit more time to sleep. He got up to shower and get ready for work, while I went in search of food and drink. Almost as soon as I stood up, my contractions came back. Contractions of early labor—at least for me—feel like mildly annoying menstrual cramps. They aren’t painful, just a bit uncomfortable. In many ways, this is extremely nice, but the lack of pain often leads me to erroneously think that they aren’t doing anything. I had these type of crampy contractions with Zara for several hours after my water broke and they did nothing to dilate my cervix. So while I didn’t mind these contractions, I wasn’t very convinced that they were useful either.

I started timing my contractions on a handy phone app I downloaded while David was in the shower. They were growing more consistent in frequency, though still not in intensity. After getting Zara, who had just woken up, situated with her morning juice and cereal, I hopped in the shower while David finished getting ready for work. He was ready to leave, but I asked him to stay a little bit longer just to see if my contractions kept going. I really didn’t want him to drive all the way to SLC, if I was just going to have to call him to ask him to return.

By 9am, I’d been having contractions for three hours, so I called my midwife to let her know what was going on. I was still convinced that nothing was actually happening but she told me that I could come in to the PG birth center to get checked if I wanted to. My midwife has two birth centers—one in Pleasant Grove (PG) and one in Provo, which she just opened about 4 blocks from our house. We planned on giving birth in the Provo birth center, but she was doing pre-natal appointments in PG that morning, so we had to drive the 20 minutes to PG if we wanted to get checked. We got the car all packed with our bags just in case and I called around to a few friends to see if one of them could watch Zara. Luckily, my friend Elise got back to me just as we were about to head out, so we stopped by her house on our way to drop off Zara. (Luckily, I’d already packed a bag for Zara so we had that all set to go.) Elise had already said she could watch Zara for as long as we needed and wished us luck.

We’d only been to the PG birth center once so we got a little lost on our way there but we finally made it into the birth center and waited to see Heather, the main midwife (she has multiple midwife assistants/students). When she finally checked me, I was surprised to learn that I was now dilated to 6cm. I really didn’t think my contractions had been doing anything so it was really encouraging to hear that we were making progress. Heather instructed her assistants to head down to the Provo birth center to start getting everything ready for us (it takes them about an hour to get the tub and other things set up) while she would finish up the prenatals in PG. She told us to go grab something light for lunch (as it was around 11:30 by then) and meet them there.

We hopped back in the car and drove back to Provo and stopped at Café Zupas to get a lunch of salad, soup, and sandwich which we then took back to our house to eat. The baby was still a little posterior so Heather had recommended that I get on my hands and knees to encourage her to get in the right position for an easier delivery. So we ate lunch at Zara’s little toddler-sized picnic table, which was just the right height for me to eat while resting on my knees. After eating our lunch and grabbing other incidentals, we headed to the birth center where we were greeted by the midwives at around 1pm. They were still setting up in the birthing room, so we went off to another room to get back on my hands and knees. They checked the baby’s heart tones again (all good) and my cervix (now to a 7cm) and we went back to the exercise ball and hands and knees.

My contractions seemed to decrease in intensity on my hands and knees which was slightly frustrating to me, since I wanted to continue to feel like I was making progress. My contractions were still just kinda crampy and not terribly painful and Heather said that if this was what labor was like for me, then most other women would hate me. She suggested that we could use a breast pump to help ramp up my oxytocin (the natural hormone Pitocin mimics) which helps increase the intensity of contractions or she could break my water. We opted to try the breast pump first and they helped me hook up to an electric breast pump and get that going. It did help pick up the intensity of my contractions but still, we weren’t getting anywhere (or so I thought). Heather’s sister, a massage therapist came in at one point and gave me a short little massage of my back and legs which was incredibly relaxing.

A little before 3pm, I asked Heather to check me again and possibly break my water. I was hanging out at around an 8 so we opted to have Heather break my water which was almost guaranteed to speed things up. Almost immediately, my contractions kicked it up a notch to the painful contractions I had remembered from Zara’s birth. I got into the birthing tub at that point, which helped to relax me a bit as I tried to breathe my way through contractions. As much as I had wanted to feel more intensity from my crampy contractions, the contractions of real, active labor are no joke. It didn’t take long before I was in “laborland,” as Heather calls it, struggling—sometimes rather unsuccessfully—to breathe my way through intense contractions and manage my pain. I had one intense contraction which was quickly followed by another very intense contraction, but somehow I was able to breathe right through it, slowly and calmly. It was a nice little reprieve before a third really intense contraction knocked me over.

After about 45 minutes, I started to feel like I wanted to push but when Heather checked me, she said I was at a 9 and would need to hold off for a little bit longer and not push until I couldn’t fight the urge. I powered through a few more contractions but I was starting to lose my resolve. Why in the world would I have willingly opted to have a completely natural, drug-free childbirth? It sucks. Except that I think the alternative would suck just as much, just in other ways.

But soon, the urge to push was back and Heather confirmed that I only had a little lip left, which she helped move out of the way as I started to push once again. I was rather restless in the water, I kept moving around into different positions, before finally settling on pushing from a kneeling position. I had liked being in the tub during my contractions, but I didn’t really like it during the pushing stage, but I didn’t have the presence of mind to request a change of setting and I didn’t really like the alternatives either. I didn’t want to get out dripping wet and I didn’t want to get on the bed or the birth stool so in the birth tub I stayed.

Pushing out this baby felt very different than with Zara which may have been because of the position I was pushing in or because of Adelaide’s size. I felt it much more near the perineum and I didn’t feel that my pushes were quite as effective. I was also very vocal during the pushing stage. I hardly made any noise with Zara, but I screamed a lot this time around. Karen, one of the midwife students, had to keep reminding me to use lower tones. At one point, Heather said I was doing a good job and the baby was on the way out and I called her a liar because I seriously thought she was just messing with me to keep me going. I was ready to call it quits and just give up. I pushed a few more times and her head started to crown and with one or two more pushes, she was out. I was half out of the water and Adelaide was trying to cry, so they had me stand up so she could breathe and I had to push the rest of her out. I couldn’t tell what was happening, being rather out of it by this point, but I guess her shoulders got a little and I had to keep pushing even though I didn’t have any urge to push anymore and they had to pull her out. Everyone was quite shocked by how gigantic she was. But here she was, after only 30 minutes of pushing. I did tear, but not as much as I did with Zara. 

We stayed in the water until I delivered the placenta and we cut the cord and they moved me to the bed to finish checking me. It seemed to take forever to sew up my tears (which is one of my least favorite parts of the whole childbirth process) and get me situated. They finally turned their attention to Adelaide (aside from their initial assessments when she was first born) to weigh and measure her. We all knew she was a chunky baby but we were all surprised when we discovered that she was nearly 10 pounds. I knew she was going to be bigger than Zara, but I certainly did NOT expect that. No wonder I was so miserable the last 2-3 weeks of pregnancy. I had way too much baby in me. The newborn outfits I had brought to dress her in were almost too small and the pack of newborn diapers barely fit as well.

We stayed at the birth center for several hours and, after determining that both Adelaide and I were fine, we headed home around 8:30pm. My mom had arrived to help us out and Elise had dropped off Zara at our house. Zara was very excited to meet her sister (“The baby came out of the mommy!” is her new favorite thing to say) and hold her and so far seems to be transitioning well to big sisterhood. That may change. 

All told, I had about 9 hours of crampy contractions but I was able to go about my daily life and wasn’t in too much pain and I had an hour and a half of really hard and fast labor. I don’t know how women do it if they have hard contractions for a long time. My family has a history of quick labors which is why I have not been afraid to opt for a natural childbirth experience. Despite some of the difficulties of this labor, I do not regret our choice to use a midwife, birth in a birth center, or opt for a completely natural childbirth. I loved that I was able to move, eat, and walk around my entire labor, I loved not having to be hooked up to monitors or subjected to an IV and I especially loved that at every step of my pregnancy, it was always my decision what tests, procedures and care I received. My midwife respected all of our choices and allowed me to labor and deliver the way I wanted, not the way that was easiest for her. Pregnancy and labor is hard, hard work and it’s even harder if you are pressured into doing things you don’t want to do and I’m glad that Utah offers a midwife friendly environment.

So far, Adelaide is proving to be an easy-going, mellow baby. We love her triple chins and copious rolls (oh, her thighs!) and can’t stop pinching her deliciously round cheeks. She is a welcome addition to our family and we can’t wait to get to know her and her personality better. 

Still Pregnant

First things first: I'm still pregnant.

I had really thought I'd have had this baby by now, but baby is apparently quite comfortable where she is. I, on the other hand, am not. I don't remember if I was this uncomfortable in my last few days with Zara but I'm here now to get it in writing that being 9 months pregnant and minutes from your due date SUCKS. As much as I'm opposed to unnecessary inductions, I'd almost welcome it now. (My midwife, however, does not do inductions so I can't be tempted. But I am. Oh I am.)

It hurts to move. To stand upright. To sit down. To lay down. My stomach is expansive and seems to grow bigger by the minute. My skin is stretched so tight that I think it might start to break apart. It grows more and more sensitive to touch and the feel of any sort of fabric against my skin. (But not covering my belly is NOT going to happen so I have to deal with it.) I have no energy and I'm always tired but I can't sleep. I have to pee approximately every half hour because the baby's head is pressing on my bladder. I just hang around, waiting for something to happen. I can't walk more than a 100 yards without feeling like my uterus is going to fall right out of my body.

And though I've been through labor and I take the perspective that I can withstand anything for a day, I'm still slightly relieved that I haven't gone into labor yet because. I'm tired. And I just want to sleep. And labor is hard--but rewarding--work. I wake up every morning surprised to discover that I'm still pregnant. Not because I expected to give birth in my sleep, but because for just a brief, blissful moment, I forgot that I am pregnant and my body was once again my own. And then reality sets in again.

When I think about my friends and family members who have done this three, four, five, six times, I seriously start to think they may be just a little bit insane. I've always wanted children. I still want more children (I think, I may take that back once this girl is on the outside), but it's going to take a lot of convince me to do this again in the future.

But I also know that when labor is over and done with, when this baby is no longer inside me, but in my arms, I'll be awed and inspired and humbled and grateful and forgive her for all the aches and pain and sleepless nights and simply be in love.

And that's the part I hope I never forget and I try to hold onto as I wait and wait and wait....

Labor Wishes

I’m 37 weeks pregnant now which means my baby is full-term and shouldn’t have any medical complications should she be born today. My bags are bagged, all necessary supplies have been purchased, my freezer is stocked and I’m officially giving Strawberry permission to arrive any time she wants.

I don’t have any clues as to how this labor will go. I do think Strawberry will come early, or at the very least, she won’t make me wait until the very last day to make her entrance into this world like a certain older sister did. (With Zara, my water broke the morning we were supposed to go into the hospital to be induced.)

Other mothers I’ve talked to say that you should pray for certain, very specific outcomes during labor and delivery. I know that many of these wishes may not be realistic and I won’t be terribly disappointed if things don’t go the way I want, but just for kicks, here’s a short list of how I hope Strawberry’s birth will go:

1. I hope that I will know when I am really in labor. I don’t know why, but I’m really afraid of not recognizing the signs of labor (or active labor) and not making it to the birth center in time. My water broke with Zara, which was a pretty good indication that something was going on. But only about 10% of labors start with the spontaneous rupture of the amniotic sac so I’m not expecting labor to begin like that again. (Also, it’s kinda a mess.) I’ve started to have a few Braxton Hicks contractions this week (I didn’t experience them with Zara) and they don’t feel much different than the contractions I experienced at the beginning of my labor with Zara, so I really hope my body will clue me in when things really get going

2. I hope my labor won’t stall again. The first few hours of contractions with Zara were mildly uncomfortable and not really painful (they felt like menstrual cramps), but they were not very productive at actually dilating my cervix.  Add to the fact that I had to have IV fluids, antibiotics for Group B Strep and couldn’t really move or walk around since I was strapped to fetal monitors, and you have a recipe for a stalled labor. But once they gave me Pitocin, my body kicked it into high gear and dilated from a 4 to a 10 in two hours. I’m hoping that since I won’t need antibiotics this time around and I won’t need to be strapped down for any reason, that I can move and walk and keep my labor progressing steadily without any interventions. I hope my body remembers what to do, and won’t need an extra kick of Pitocin.

3. I hope my labor is shorter. Now, I know I’m lucky because even with a stalled labor, the entire duration of Zara’s birth was 13 hours, which is relatively short for a first-time labor. My family has a history of fast labors, and second labors, on average, tend to be half as short. Six hours sounds about good to me.

4. I hope my labor starts while David is home (and not at work). David works in Salt Lake City, a commute of 45 miles and nearly an hour. Given my fear of not knowing when I’m actually in labor and the expectation of having a shorter labor, I really hope I will not have to wait for David to drive all the way back from SLC to have him at my side. The idea of trying to drop Zara off anywhere or drive myself to the birth center myself does not appeal to me. (Though I could honestly walk there since it’s only 4 blocks away.)

5. I hope Zara will have a place to go. I have several friends who have offered to watch Zara while I am in labor. The only problem is that each one has limited availability depending on the time of day or date due to work schedules and/or vacations.

6. I hope for a shorter pushing stage and no tearing. I pushed for an hour and a half with Zara. I think I would have had a much shorter pushing stage if, again, I had been allowed to move into a different position. It was terribly uncomfortable to push lying on my back, with my feet in stirrups. I got so sick of pushing, that I ended up getting a second degree tear. I hope that by being able to push in different positions, the baby will descend and crown quicker and I’ll be able to take my time to push her out slow and gentle and not tear. I’ve been taking vitamins which are supposed to help make the skin more elastic so that you tear less.

7. I hope I will like the water birth. I’m planning on birthing in a birth tub, but giving my sensitivity to touch (as in, I often don’t like it), I’m afraid the water might annoy me. I’ve heard it can be very soothing and provide a lot of relief during labor, so I hope I will like it. Or, at the very least, I hope I will find a method/position/place that I feel comfortable with.

8. I hope we are inspired with her name after she’s born. Seriously. We still have no clue what to name her. It really may just stay Strawberry. But we do have 10 days to think about it before we have to submit the birth certificate after she’s born.

9. I hope she’ll be born on an even day. This is just one of my [many] quirks, but I don’t like odd numbers and I’d much prefer that Strawberry is born on an even-numbered day. Exceptions are any days that are multiples of five (5, 15, 25) or the first or last day of the month (though if she waits to come until May 31^st, we’re going to have problems). Zara was born on August 31^st, for instance, but since it is the last day of August, I’m okay with it. Weird, I know.

10.  I hope I have a healthy baby and a safe delivery. Ultimately, as long as I have a healthy child at the end of my labor, and no major complications (like death) for myself, I’ll be happy. 

Hopefully, it won't be too much longer until I can report back on how things went. Oh, and post pictures of what I suspect will be one highly adorable little newborn. 

Baby Avoidance

So I've kinda been studiously avoiding thinking about anything related to babies and labor and birthing and breastfeeding and diapers and all that jazz for the last 8 months. It's been working out well for me. But now that I'm officially into my ninth month of pregnancy, I suppose I should prepare myself just a little for Baby Girl #2's arrival.

Last Saturday, David and I attended a "comfort measures" class at my midwife's birth center. It's was a 3-hour refresher course for previous parents to review relaxation techniques, the stages of labor, birth positions, and practice natural methods for having a more comfortable birth experience. I was a little skeptical going into it, but I actually learned some new things (like rebozo, which I love) and it made me feel a lot less anxious about going into labor. Even though I've successfully given birth without pain medication before, I've been feeling almost more apprehensive this time around. What if my body just totally fails me? What if my labor stalls again? What if it goes too quickly and I have to give birth on my front lawn like this woman? I'm still feeling nervous (I think all woman, no matter how many children they have had feel this way), but I'm not as scared as I was...which is a good thing.

But now, I have to prepare in other ways. Luckily, having a second girl means that I don't have to buy a lot of new baby clothes, so I'm set there. I dug out Zara's old clothes from their dusty storage bins and pulled out the newborn and 0-3 month clothes. I've got to wash those, along with the cloth diapers and receiving blankets and other cloth items. We got out the infant car seat, breast pump, and I scored a free [used] co-sleeper which we will use until Baby gets big enough for her own bed. I went to Babies R Us today and bought all the little things I think I will need: a new changing pad and cover for the changing table, new washclothes and bathtime and diapering supplies. I bought the infant insert for my Ergo carrier and I have a feeling she'll be living in that thing for the first several months of her life, especially if we have to move in June/July.

I've been making a bunch of freezer meals to see us through the first few weeks after birth, but I still need to stock up my pantry/freezer with plenty of food and buy snacks to eat during labor. Luckily, my mom is planning on coming to spend a week or two with us right after the Baby is born, so that should help tremendously. I still need to pack my bags for the birth center. I bought pads for myself (I didn't realize that you bleed for like 6 weeks after giving birth and I was unprepared for that last time) but I swear there are other personal items I need for myself that I'm forgetting.

I also bought Zara a bunch of little $1 toys for her to open and play with those first few days after the Baby is born so she doesn't get super jealous. She keeps asking when the baby will come out, but I'm not so sure she's going to love it once it doesn't go back in.

So, what else do I need to do? What am I forgetting? What else do you do to get ready for baby?

A Tale of Two Pregnancies

Pregnancy really loses its magic when you do it more than once, I've discovered.

When I was pregnant with Zara, I read What to Expect When You're Expecting obsessively. I knew exactly how far along I was to the week and day and I knew what size fruit my baby was and how she was developing every inch of the way.

This time around, I know when I got pregnant and I know when the baby is supposed to come out but don't ask me to actually count the weeks. You can do the math for yourself.

(Though for curiousity's sake, I just looked it up and I'm only 27 weeks along. That's a bummer. I thought I was at like week 30 or something.)

I don't know whether she's the length of a banana or the size of broccoli or if her lungs are developed or if she's grown fingernails. According to the ultrasound, she has two arms, two legs, and a head. I'm feeling pretty good about that.

With Zara, I marveled at my expanding belly, took consistent maternity shots to mark its progress and delighted in feeling her move around.

I have not taken a photograph of myself since Thanksgiving (maybe Christmas?) and it was certainly not to leave a lasting image of my expansion.

For the record, I am much bigger this time than I was with Zara. Thanks for reminding me.

And yes, this baby kicks me all the time...just like her sister. And no, it's not as much fun. It hurts and it makes it hard to breathe.

With Zara, I read everything I could about child birth, labor, relaxation techniques, did prenatal yoga and went swimming to keep strong and in shape so I would have a better chance of having a natural childbirth.

This time, I'm studiously avoiding my childbirth books. I should probably remind David how to demonstrate proper breathing techniques during labor since I won't have a doula this time.

My daily exercise typically involves the long walk from my office in the JFSB to the Wilk on campus to buy a mint brownie. And then I have to walk ALL the way back.

I really wish Utah had embraced the expectant mother parking trend. But then they'd need more expectant mother parking spots than handicapped spots.

With Zara, I could spend hours aahhing over baby clothes, looking at baby gear, and reading all the product safety reviews and spending hour after agonizing hour deciding which carseat/stroller/bottle/pacifier to buy.

I figure we already got most of that stuff covered now, so we're good. She won't care that everything is secondhand, right?

I don't mean to imply that I'm completely miserable this time around or that I'm not still terribly excited for this little girl to make her debut, but I do find it funny how different this pregnancy has been compared to Zara's. It really, really makes me wonder how some women do this many, many times. And I have *easy* pregnancies compared to most women.

The Expanding Malones

When I was pregnant with Zara, David gave me a blessing where he basically told me that Zara had been watching us from heaven and had chosen us as her parents and was excited to be a part of our family. I've thought about that quite a bit recently and I would totally pick us as parents.....we're pretty awesome.

Apparently, another little girl has picked us to be her parents as well and she'll be making her appearance near the end of May.

I would post the requisite ultrasound image to prove it, but well, those things just look like giant blobs to me and even though the three pictures the ultrasound technician gave us are labeled with body parts and a clear proclamation of "GIRL!," you'll just have to take her [and my] word for it.

I had debated about when to make the "official" internet announcement. Close friends and family (particularly those who have seen my expanding belly in person) know, but I've enjoyed keeping this pregnancy quiet and inconspicuous.  A small (small) part of me wanted to not say anything until she was born and just post a picture with "Surprise! I had a baby!" But now that we know what we're having and the baby is moving and making her presence felt so much more, I didn't want to keep quiet anymore. But I wanted to post on the blog first before I took the announcement to Facebook.

We're very excited to have another girl, though I think David is a little apprehensive of what he's going to do with two daughters, especially once they hit the teenage years. I will admit that a small, small part of me was really hoping for a boy but only because we have a boy name picked out and ready to go and we cannot agree on a single girl's name. It's not even that we can't agree, it's that we can't even think of any good options to begin with. So if anyone wants to offer up some girl name suggestions (with the tiny hint of possibility that we may steal it from you), please do so. I am in a girl name rut and I need some help.


And for those who care about this sort of information, I'm currently 21 weeks and am planning to have a water birth with a midwife at a birthing center here in Provo. I'm very excited to be working with our midwife and am looking forward (yes looking forward) to having a completely natural and hospital-free birth. :)

Zara at Ten AND Eleven Months!

I'm way behind on updates for Zara. I missed her ten month update because we were in Georgia with no internet connection and I'm a little behind on her eleven month update as well. Best get it in before she hits a year at the end of this month!

The word that best sums up Zara is crazy. She is a crazy, crazy baby and she's full of life and stubbornness and opinions and she's crazy. She sometimes drives us crazy but we still love her a bunch and kinda think she's the best baby ever (except when she's being crazy). As David often says, he'd rather have a crazy baby than a boring baby. Zara is not boring. Not a teeny, tiny bit.

General Observations, Physical Changes, Etc.

Let's see....Zara is a big baby. She's taller than all her cousins who are one week older and three weeks younger and has big fat baby feet and hands. It's no wonder that she can walk as well as she does.

And walk she does....in fact, she's getting pretty quick that I don't think it'll be long before she starts running.

Zara has also learned how to climb up stairs but hasn't quite mastered climbing down them. She also climbs up on everything else, the little monkey.

Zara is generally a very happy baby unless she is tired or hungry. Then she becomes a cranky monster. She has also started throwing little tantrums if she doesn't get her way. I didn't think the tantrums would come so soon. I'm not liking it.

She still has only 4 teeth but I think more are on their way in.

People always comment on Zara's beautiful blue eyes and her dark curly hair. It's such a striking combination. I really hope it lasts.

Eating and Sleeping Habits

Zara's sleeping schedule is still all kinds of messed up since we've been vagabonds for the last two and a half months. I'm really hoping that once we get settled in our new home, we can quickly get her back into a consistent routine and that her sleeping habits will improve. I'd really love for her to take one longer nap during the day (not on me, David, or in her car seat) and to sleep in her own bed at night.

Zara continues to breastfeed, though she goes longer stretches between feedings. She mostly nurses in the morning, maybe once or twice during the day, and then right before bed. (She still wakes up once or twice a night to nurse though.) We're working on getting her used to drinking water or juice out of a sippy cup. She especially enjoys drinking out of straws.

Zara is generally a very good eater. She'll try just about anything and loves to feed herself. She particularly loves fruit. She doesn't always love it when we try to feed her the pureed baby food but sometimes she loves it. If she can feed herself, Zara prefers it.

Accomplishments and Firsts

Zara has mastered clapping her hands. If you start clapping, Zara will start clapping along and finds it to be absolutely delightful.

Zara also started clicking her tongue a few weeks ago. David and I don't know where she picked it up--since neither of us have demonstrated or encouraged the behavior--but Zara does it frequently.

She is has perfected her walking. She can really get some speed going too.

Zara has also learned how to climb up and down stairs. She still forgets sometimes to turn around when she tries to climb downstairs but she has improved quite a bit. I'm just glad that our new home doesn't have any stairs.

Favorite Toys, Places to Go, Etc

Where has Zara not gone these last two months? She's one well-traveled baby. I don't know if any place is her favorite....I just know that she hates her car seat with a passion and puts up the good fight every time we try to strap her in. She's a wily one, that one.

Zara loves her baby doll. (I think we might want to name the baby since we just call the doll The Baby but Zara is The Baby so it gets all confusing because sometimes I'll tell David to grab the baby when I mean the doll but he thinks I mean Zara and then the poor Baby (the doll) gets left behind. Or we'll ask "Does the Baby have the Baby?" and really proper nouns are there for a reason, right?). Anyway....Zara likes to carry her baby doll around by it's little hat and has become quite cute when she holds and hugs her baby.

Zara also enjoys her barrel of monkeys, Jenga blocks, cars, balls, and the giant stuffed bear my aunt has. We also bought Zara her first Lego Duplo set and she's been enjoying those more as well.

Now for some more adorable photos of our crazy baby.

Zara at Nine Months!

Let's do this quick and easy, ok? Since I'm so late on getting this one done.

This is my baby.
Her name is Zara.


Sometimes I call her Baby Lee. Or Babyly. I can't decide which one I mean. Is it a proper noun or an adjective?
I don't know. But that's the only nickname I have for her.
Well, I do sometimes call her Baby Z or just The Baby. Real original, don't you think?
She went swimming for the first time this month.
And swinging. She did for the first time too. She really enjoyed herself. Also. She walks. Toddling, teetering little baby steps of absolute cuteness. Her highest count is 8 steps in a row without falling on her wee little bum. She's getting better.
The little monster. She likes mangoes and strawberries and butternut squash. And really, she'll put just about anything into her mouth that you give her so I stopped trying to be all methodical and organized in her introduction to solids stuff. Wait 4 days between each new item? Not this little girl. She just eats what we eat. And comes out looking like an oompa loompa afterwards.
She has four little baby teeth. Two on bottom and two on top. Those top two took years to come in. And now she bites. It hurts. I seriously have bruises on my arms from where she's bitten me. Can you charge a 9 month old with domestic abuse?
She's sweetness and light. Sugar and spice and all those fluffy things people say about babies.
Except when she's not. Then she's a baby monster. I don't like baby monsters. Luckily, now there's a grandma around to help out when I'm seriously considering giving her away.
She's still not a great sleeper. And she absolutely refuses to sleep in a crib. And really, I like co-sleeping but we seriously need a bigger bed. Especially when this baby flails and flings herself around all night long.
Zara knows when a toy has been specially designed for a baby and will therefore not play with it. Baby toys are lame, apparently. Straws and cell phones and remote controls and computers and books and magazines are so much more fun.
I love this baby, oh boy I do.