Adelaide Gets a Name

I both love and hate naming my children. I find it a huge responsibility to pick the name that will represent a person for their whole life, and to do it when they are just a tiny little soul, brand new to the world and their personality is still almost completely unknown to you. David and I have really struggled to name both Zara and Adelaide (though we've had no problem picking boy names....if we ever have a boy) and neither of them had a decided name before they were born. Zara was my top choice before she was born, but we didn't settle on anything until after she was born. With Adelaide, I had a list of names, but no clear favorites. I did, however, already know that her middle name would be Grace, which is a virtue I love and thought would be a nice complement to Zara's middle name of Hope.

I believe everyone should be given a name that has significance, whether for the meaning of the name itself or because it is a family name or the name of another important figure. Since we didn't have any family names we wanted to use, I had mostly chosen names based on their meanings. My top choices were Sophie (wisdom), Charlotte (strong woman), and Naomi (beautiful/delightful), but I was hesitant to use them since they've become very popular lately and I wanted to avoid an excessively popular name. (Sophia was the #1 girl name in 2012.) David's top choice was Orla (Gaelic for golden queen) and while it is certainly not breaking the top 100 list of names, it felt a little too unusual and not quite right.

During my last trimester, I kept a list of all our potential names and their meanings written on a white index card. It wasn't a long list because there weren't many names that David and/or I both liked. After Adelaide was born,  and we were all resting on the birth center's large bed together, David pulled out the index card and started looking over the names. I glanced at the list and immediately felt drawn to the name Adelaide but pushed aside the thought since I never thought David would go for that name. It's one that I threw on there because I've always liked old-fashioned names and I liked its meaning: noble. I had also been contemplating the name Ada (which also means noble) after the 19th century mathematician (and Lord Bryon's daughter) Ada Lovelace, who is often credited as the being the first computer programmer.I liked the idea of naming my daughter after such an intelligent and pioneering woman.

It came as some surprise when David then said that he was leaning toward Adelaide. Just like me, when he looked at the list, the name Adelaide jumped out at him. He even insists that its written in darker ink than the other names, even though I wrote most of the names with the same pen.

Adelaide is of German origin (and David has a lot of German heritage) and according to a baby name website, "This name was imported to England by Adelaide of Saxe-Meiningen, the wife of William IV of Great Britain. She gave her name to the South Australian city of Adelaide. In contemporary literature of the time, Adelaide was frequently used as a name for upper-class, elegant women. St Adelaide of Italy lived in the tenth century. She was heir to the throne of Italy and married Otto the Great, Holy Roman Emperor. She was made a saint on account of her good deeds towards the poor. Adelaide of Aquitaine was the wife of French king Hugh Capet, the founder of the Capetian dynasty."

But of course, when I think of the name Adelaide, I immediately think of this song from the musical Guys and Dolls: 

We had really hoped that we'd be inspired after the baby's birth to know what to name her and we were. In some ways, I can't believe we decided on her name so quickly or both came to the same conclusion so easily. It still took a day or two for it to feel right....and it still feels a little awkward to say her name, but I remember I felt that way about Zara's name as well. I think Adelaide Grace is a beautiful name and fits her well.

Welcome Adelaide Grace Malone!

David and I are pleased to announce the birth of our second daughter, Adelaide Grace Malone. She was born at 4:28pm on Monday, May 20, 2013 and weighed in at a whopping 9 pounds, 12 ounces (yes you read that right) and measured 21.5 inches long. It seems quite fitting that she was born on May 20th, which, as my friend told me, is National Strawberry Picking Day, and Strawberry was the nickname that Zara gave her while still in utero.

I love birth stories. Everyone is so different and unique. Zara has quite the birth story and I thought Adelaide’s was rather uneventful in comparison, but now I think it’s just as special.

I’d been having mild contractions for a week or two preceding her birth and I was getting quite annoyed that they weren’t leading anywhere. I had already dilated to 3cm, but I knew I could walk around at a 3 for weeks before labor actually started. Still, I just wanted her to be born already and I hated getting my hopes up every day, only to go to bed that night still pregnant. The night of the 19^th, I started having some contractions which I felt were maybe a bit more productive. David helped me relax and get to sleep, but I fell asleep thinking that maybe I’d have a baby by the end the next day.

Monday morning, I woke up at 6am, feeling remarkably well-rested for the first time in weeks. I discovered that David was still asleep next to me. He typically wakes up at 5am so that he can leave by 6am to make it into work by 7am. I woke him up to tell him the time and he said that he had been too tired at 5am and had just wanted a little bit more time to sleep. He got up to shower and get ready for work, while I went in search of food and drink. Almost as soon as I stood up, my contractions came back. Contractions of early labor—at least for me—feel like mildly annoying menstrual cramps. They aren’t painful, just a bit uncomfortable. In many ways, this is extremely nice, but the lack of pain often leads me to erroneously think that they aren’t doing anything. I had these type of crampy contractions with Zara for several hours after my water broke and they did nothing to dilate my cervix. So while I didn’t mind these contractions, I wasn’t very convinced that they were useful either.

I started timing my contractions on a handy phone app I downloaded while David was in the shower. They were growing more consistent in frequency, though still not in intensity. After getting Zara, who had just woken up, situated with her morning juice and cereal, I hopped in the shower while David finished getting ready for work. He was ready to leave, but I asked him to stay a little bit longer just to see if my contractions kept going. I really didn’t want him to drive all the way to SLC, if I was just going to have to call him to ask him to return.

By 9am, I’d been having contractions for three hours, so I called my midwife to let her know what was going on. I was still convinced that nothing was actually happening but she told me that I could come in to the PG birth center to get checked if I wanted to. My midwife has two birth centers—one in Pleasant Grove (PG) and one in Provo, which she just opened about 4 blocks from our house. We planned on giving birth in the Provo birth center, but she was doing pre-natal appointments in PG that morning, so we had to drive the 20 minutes to PG if we wanted to get checked. We got the car all packed with our bags just in case and I called around to a few friends to see if one of them could watch Zara. Luckily, my friend Elise got back to me just as we were about to head out, so we stopped by her house on our way to drop off Zara. (Luckily, I’d already packed a bag for Zara so we had that all set to go.) Elise had already said she could watch Zara for as long as we needed and wished us luck.

We’d only been to the PG birth center once so we got a little lost on our way there but we finally made it into the birth center and waited to see Heather, the main midwife (she has multiple midwife assistants/students). When she finally checked me, I was surprised to learn that I was now dilated to 6cm. I really didn’t think my contractions had been doing anything so it was really encouraging to hear that we were making progress. Heather instructed her assistants to head down to the Provo birth center to start getting everything ready for us (it takes them about an hour to get the tub and other things set up) while she would finish up the prenatals in PG. She told us to go grab something light for lunch (as it was around 11:30 by then) and meet them there.

We hopped back in the car and drove back to Provo and stopped at Café Zupas to get a lunch of salad, soup, and sandwich which we then took back to our house to eat. The baby was still a little posterior so Heather had recommended that I get on my hands and knees to encourage her to get in the right position for an easier delivery. So we ate lunch at Zara’s little toddler-sized picnic table, which was just the right height for me to eat while resting on my knees. After eating our lunch and grabbing other incidentals, we headed to the birth center where we were greeted by the midwives at around 1pm. They were still setting up in the birthing room, so we went off to another room to get back on my hands and knees. They checked the baby’s heart tones again (all good) and my cervix (now to a 7cm) and we went back to the exercise ball and hands and knees.

My contractions seemed to decrease in intensity on my hands and knees which was slightly frustrating to me, since I wanted to continue to feel like I was making progress. My contractions were still just kinda crampy and not terribly painful and Heather said that if this was what labor was like for me, then most other women would hate me. She suggested that we could use a breast pump to help ramp up my oxytocin (the natural hormone Pitocin mimics) which helps increase the intensity of contractions or she could break my water. We opted to try the breast pump first and they helped me hook up to an electric breast pump and get that going. It did help pick up the intensity of my contractions but still, we weren’t getting anywhere (or so I thought). Heather’s sister, a massage therapist came in at one point and gave me a short little massage of my back and legs which was incredibly relaxing.

A little before 3pm, I asked Heather to check me again and possibly break my water. I was hanging out at around an 8 so we opted to have Heather break my water which was almost guaranteed to speed things up. Almost immediately, my contractions kicked it up a notch to the painful contractions I had remembered from Zara’s birth. I got into the birthing tub at that point, which helped to relax me a bit as I tried to breathe my way through contractions. As much as I had wanted to feel more intensity from my crampy contractions, the contractions of real, active labor are no joke. It didn’t take long before I was in “laborland,” as Heather calls it, struggling—sometimes rather unsuccessfully—to breathe my way through intense contractions and manage my pain. I had one intense contraction which was quickly followed by another very intense contraction, but somehow I was able to breathe right through it, slowly and calmly. It was a nice little reprieve before a third really intense contraction knocked me over.

After about 45 minutes, I started to feel like I wanted to push but when Heather checked me, she said I was at a 9 and would need to hold off for a little bit longer and not push until I couldn’t fight the urge. I powered through a few more contractions but I was starting to lose my resolve. Why in the world would I have willingly opted to have a completely natural, drug-free childbirth? It sucks. Except that I think the alternative would suck just as much, just in other ways.

But soon, the urge to push was back and Heather confirmed that I only had a little lip left, which she helped move out of the way as I started to push once again. I was rather restless in the water, I kept moving around into different positions, before finally settling on pushing from a kneeling position. I had liked being in the tub during my contractions, but I didn’t really like it during the pushing stage, but I didn’t have the presence of mind to request a change of setting and I didn’t really like the alternatives either. I didn’t want to get out dripping wet and I didn’t want to get on the bed or the birth stool so in the birth tub I stayed.

Pushing out this baby felt very different than with Zara which may have been because of the position I was pushing in or because of Adelaide’s size. I felt it much more near the perineum and I didn’t feel that my pushes were quite as effective. I was also very vocal during the pushing stage. I hardly made any noise with Zara, but I screamed a lot this time around. Karen, one of the midwife students, had to keep reminding me to use lower tones. At one point, Heather said I was doing a good job and the baby was on the way out and I called her a liar because I seriously thought she was just messing with me to keep me going. I was ready to call it quits and just give up. I pushed a few more times and her head started to crown and with one or two more pushes, she was out. I was half out of the water and Adelaide was trying to cry, so they had me stand up so she could breathe and I had to push the rest of her out. I couldn’t tell what was happening, being rather out of it by this point, but I guess her shoulders got a little and I had to keep pushing even though I didn’t have any urge to push anymore and they had to pull her out. Everyone was quite shocked by how gigantic she was. But here she was, after only 30 minutes of pushing. I did tear, but not as much as I did with Zara. 

We stayed in the water until I delivered the placenta and we cut the cord and they moved me to the bed to finish checking me. It seemed to take forever to sew up my tears (which is one of my least favorite parts of the whole childbirth process) and get me situated. They finally turned their attention to Adelaide (aside from their initial assessments when she was first born) to weigh and measure her. We all knew she was a chunky baby but we were all surprised when we discovered that she was nearly 10 pounds. I knew she was going to be bigger than Zara, but I certainly did NOT expect that. No wonder I was so miserable the last 2-3 weeks of pregnancy. I had way too much baby in me. The newborn outfits I had brought to dress her in were almost too small and the pack of newborn diapers barely fit as well.

We stayed at the birth center for several hours and, after determining that both Adelaide and I were fine, we headed home around 8:30pm. My mom had arrived to help us out and Elise had dropped off Zara at our house. Zara was very excited to meet her sister (“The baby came out of the mommy!” is her new favorite thing to say) and hold her and so far seems to be transitioning well to big sisterhood. That may change. 

All told, I had about 9 hours of crampy contractions but I was able to go about my daily life and wasn’t in too much pain and I had an hour and a half of really hard and fast labor. I don’t know how women do it if they have hard contractions for a long time. My family has a history of quick labors which is why I have not been afraid to opt for a natural childbirth experience. Despite some of the difficulties of this labor, I do not regret our choice to use a midwife, birth in a birth center, or opt for a completely natural childbirth. I loved that I was able to move, eat, and walk around my entire labor, I loved not having to be hooked up to monitors or subjected to an IV and I especially loved that at every step of my pregnancy, it was always my decision what tests, procedures and care I received. My midwife respected all of our choices and allowed me to labor and deliver the way I wanted, not the way that was easiest for her. Pregnancy and labor is hard, hard work and it’s even harder if you are pressured into doing things you don’t want to do and I’m glad that Utah offers a midwife friendly environment.

So far, Adelaide is proving to be an easy-going, mellow baby. We love her triple chins and copious rolls (oh, her thighs!) and can’t stop pinching her deliciously round cheeks. She is a welcome addition to our family and we can’t wait to get to know her and her personality better. 

My Firstborn

I have very obstinate children. They come by it honestly...and I mostly have myself to blame for it. I'm pretty sure I'm the one donating the bulk of the stubborn genes.

I was convinced that Strawberry was going to come this past week. I don't know why I was so sure of that....I was similarly convinced that Zara wouldn't come early and she didn't. But for some reason, I scoffed at my due date and made plans to give birth last week. I took the week off work, not wanting to subject my co-workers to my impending labor and felt confident that I could send word almost immediately of a safely arrived child. I was convinced that Strawberry was ready to come out. Except, apparently, she wasn't.

I've got to stop thinking I can convince my children to do anything my way. It just doesn't work and always leaves me disappointed.

Waiting to go into labor is an excruciating process because you never know when it may happen and you expect it at every turn. I haven't wanted to stray far from home because what if my water breaks in the middle of Target? I don't want to have to apologize to some poor underpaid worker while they mop up my amniotic fluid. Zara and I have mostly stayed indoors. She's watched her Mickey Mouse DVDs about 20 times each (and I finally returned them to the library because I couldn't take them anymore) while I worked my way through the entire third and fourth seasons of The Good Wife.

But we also went to the park everyday where Zara made lots of new friends ("I like make friends," she tells me quite frequently) and I even managed (with David's assistance) to drag my very pregnant self to the Provo Library yesterday for their Children's Book Festival where Zara received a free book and made herself a crown which she has been wearing for the past two days. Spending so much one-on-one time with Zara has been nice, especially since I'm not sure how well she's going to make the transition from only child to big sister. She'll pat my belly and say "The baby come out of the mommy!" but I don't think she realizes what that means for her. Zara really is the most ridiculously adorable (and exasperating) child and I think we both needed the time to enjoy each other's company, just the two of us, before both of our lives are upended by Strawberry's arrival.

Still, I would like Strawberry to arrive RIGHT now, rather than make me wait any longer. But we all know now how futile a hope that is....

Still Pregnant

First things first: I'm still pregnant.

I had really thought I'd have had this baby by now, but baby is apparently quite comfortable where she is. I, on the other hand, am not. I don't remember if I was this uncomfortable in my last few days with Zara but I'm here now to get it in writing that being 9 months pregnant and minutes from your due date SUCKS. As much as I'm opposed to unnecessary inductions, I'd almost welcome it now. (My midwife, however, does not do inductions so I can't be tempted. But I am. Oh I am.)

It hurts to move. To stand upright. To sit down. To lay down. My stomach is expansive and seems to grow bigger by the minute. My skin is stretched so tight that I think it might start to break apart. It grows more and more sensitive to touch and the feel of any sort of fabric against my skin. (But not covering my belly is NOT going to happen so I have to deal with it.) I have no energy and I'm always tired but I can't sleep. I have to pee approximately every half hour because the baby's head is pressing on my bladder. I just hang around, waiting for something to happen. I can't walk more than a 100 yards without feeling like my uterus is going to fall right out of my body.

And though I've been through labor and I take the perspective that I can withstand anything for a day, I'm still slightly relieved that I haven't gone into labor yet because. I'm tired. And I just want to sleep. And labor is hard--but rewarding--work. I wake up every morning surprised to discover that I'm still pregnant. Not because I expected to give birth in my sleep, but because for just a brief, blissful moment, I forgot that I am pregnant and my body was once again my own. And then reality sets in again.

When I think about my friends and family members who have done this three, four, five, six times, I seriously start to think they may be just a little bit insane. I've always wanted children. I still want more children (I think, I may take that back once this girl is on the outside), but it's going to take a lot of convince me to do this again in the future.

But I also know that when labor is over and done with, when this baby is no longer inside me, but in my arms, I'll be awed and inspired and humbled and grateful and forgive her for all the aches and pain and sleepless nights and simply be in love.

And that's the part I hope I never forget and I try to hold onto as I wait and wait and wait....

Labor Wishes

I’m 37 weeks pregnant now which means my baby is full-term and shouldn’t have any medical complications should she be born today. My bags are bagged, all necessary supplies have been purchased, my freezer is stocked and I’m officially giving Strawberry permission to arrive any time she wants.

I don’t have any clues as to how this labor will go. I do think Strawberry will come early, or at the very least, she won’t make me wait until the very last day to make her entrance into this world like a certain older sister did. (With Zara, my water broke the morning we were supposed to go into the hospital to be induced.)

Other mothers I’ve talked to say that you should pray for certain, very specific outcomes during labor and delivery. I know that many of these wishes may not be realistic and I won’t be terribly disappointed if things don’t go the way I want, but just for kicks, here’s a short list of how I hope Strawberry’s birth will go:

1. I hope that I will know when I am really in labor. I don’t know why, but I’m really afraid of not recognizing the signs of labor (or active labor) and not making it to the birth center in time. My water broke with Zara, which was a pretty good indication that something was going on. But only about 10% of labors start with the spontaneous rupture of the amniotic sac so I’m not expecting labor to begin like that again. (Also, it’s kinda a mess.) I’ve started to have a few Braxton Hicks contractions this week (I didn’t experience them with Zara) and they don’t feel much different than the contractions I experienced at the beginning of my labor with Zara, so I really hope my body will clue me in when things really get going

2. I hope my labor won’t stall again. The first few hours of contractions with Zara were mildly uncomfortable and not really painful (they felt like menstrual cramps), but they were not very productive at actually dilating my cervix.  Add to the fact that I had to have IV fluids, antibiotics for Group B Strep and couldn’t really move or walk around since I was strapped to fetal monitors, and you have a recipe for a stalled labor. But once they gave me Pitocin, my body kicked it into high gear and dilated from a 4 to a 10 in two hours. I’m hoping that since I won’t need antibiotics this time around and I won’t need to be strapped down for any reason, that I can move and walk and keep my labor progressing steadily without any interventions. I hope my body remembers what to do, and won’t need an extra kick of Pitocin.

3. I hope my labor is shorter. Now, I know I’m lucky because even with a stalled labor, the entire duration of Zara’s birth was 13 hours, which is relatively short for a first-time labor. My family has a history of fast labors, and second labors, on average, tend to be half as short. Six hours sounds about good to me.

4. I hope my labor starts while David is home (and not at work). David works in Salt Lake City, a commute of 45 miles and nearly an hour. Given my fear of not knowing when I’m actually in labor and the expectation of having a shorter labor, I really hope I will not have to wait for David to drive all the way back from SLC to have him at my side. The idea of trying to drop Zara off anywhere or drive myself to the birth center myself does not appeal to me. (Though I could honestly walk there since it’s only 4 blocks away.)

5. I hope Zara will have a place to go. I have several friends who have offered to watch Zara while I am in labor. The only problem is that each one has limited availability depending on the time of day or date due to work schedules and/or vacations.

6. I hope for a shorter pushing stage and no tearing. I pushed for an hour and a half with Zara. I think I would have had a much shorter pushing stage if, again, I had been allowed to move into a different position. It was terribly uncomfortable to push lying on my back, with my feet in stirrups. I got so sick of pushing, that I ended up getting a second degree tear. I hope that by being able to push in different positions, the baby will descend and crown quicker and I’ll be able to take my time to push her out slow and gentle and not tear. I’ve been taking vitamins which are supposed to help make the skin more elastic so that you tear less.

7. I hope I will like the water birth. I’m planning on birthing in a birth tub, but giving my sensitivity to touch (as in, I often don’t like it), I’m afraid the water might annoy me. I’ve heard it can be very soothing and provide a lot of relief during labor, so I hope I will like it. Or, at the very least, I hope I will find a method/position/place that I feel comfortable with.

8. I hope we are inspired with her name after she’s born. Seriously. We still have no clue what to name her. It really may just stay Strawberry. But we do have 10 days to think about it before we have to submit the birth certificate after she’s born.

9. I hope she’ll be born on an even day. This is just one of my [many] quirks, but I don’t like odd numbers and I’d much prefer that Strawberry is born on an even-numbered day. Exceptions are any days that are multiples of five (5, 15, 25) or the first or last day of the month (though if she waits to come until May 31^st, we’re going to have problems). Zara was born on August 31^st, for instance, but since it is the last day of August, I’m okay with it. Weird, I know.

10.  I hope I have a healthy baby and a safe delivery. Ultimately, as long as I have a healthy child at the end of my labor, and no major complications (like death) for myself, I’ll be happy. 

Hopefully, it won't be too much longer until I can report back on how things went. Oh, and post pictures of what I suspect will be one highly adorable little newborn.