The Break-Up

Our internet was down for a whole 24 hours.

24 hours.

It was tough.

It felt like 3 days. I felt so disconnected and cut off from the world.

I rely so much on the internet to communicate with friends and family (not to mention that our Vonage phone which allows us to have a California number even though we live in Korea can't work if we don't have internet), to plan our meals for the week, to budget, to Google every whim and fancy that passes through my mind.

So what did I do for a whole 24 hours when my internet decided to break up with me?

I wrote a thank you card to my aunt for the Christmas gifts she sent us five months ago and then I wrote a 3 page handwritten letter to my Grandmother but I couldn't address them because my address list is online. I washed the dishes. I folded laundry. I watched a documentary about Elizabeth I and read two books. I tried to restain myself from eating all the See's candy mother sent me for Easter and failed. I gave Zara a bath. I snuggled with my baby and wondered at how much she flips and turns and twists around while she sleeps. I flossed.

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you don't spend all your time reloading Facebook and watching all three seasons of Castle.

But that doesn't mean that I almost didn't hug the very nice Korean man who fixed our internet this afternoon and who called Zara a cutie, but made it sound more like Q-T.

The internet and I are in love again.

Now if you will excuse, I have two days of Jeopardy! and several more episodes of Castle to watch.

Namsan Walk

Well, the weather can't seem to make up its mind to be cold, gray, and rainy or beautiful, sunny, and springy. I wish it would make up its mind so I could plan on going out for walks more often. On one of the nice days last week, I packed Zara into her stroller and hit the trails. I recently discovered a nice paved walkway that runs along the base of Namsan mountain (on which Seoul Tower sits). I've taken Zara on the trail that leads to the tower itself but it's a steep upward hike and rather difficult to do with a stroller. But this trail is nice and level and makes for a perfect stroller trail.
I'm sure it would be gorgeous in the fall. I think once spring fully arrives, the trail will be full of blossoms and color too.

There are some pretty stops along the trail, like this little waterfall.
And excellent bathroom facilities.
You can see the top of Seoul tower in the distance.
And there's a little shrine of some sort. I didn't go in. I could take the stroller up that many stairs.
We walked on the trail for over an hour (and didn't get to the end of it) and Zara slept most of the way. I stopped to rest before turning around and Zara woke up. She didn't see very happy about it.
But she eventually got over it.

Zara vs. Sleep Part Two

Why is that the harder I try to get Zara on a consistent sleep schedule, the less she actually sleeps? I'm baffled.

After reading some different things (particularly Elizabeth Pantley's The No Cry Sleep Solution) and taking great stock of my needs as the primary care giver and Zara's needs as the primary care receiver, I've made some changes to the way we approach sleep in our home. And for the most part, I'm seeing slow but steadily improving results.

For the last two weeks, Zara has been going to bed between 7:30 and 8 p.m. and for the last week, I've been able to get her to fall asleep on her own (rather than being nursed or rocked to sleep). She still typically wakes up every 2 to 3 hours wanting food or comfort, but in the last week, she has slept in longer stretches. Two nights ago, she slept for 8 hours before waking me up. So the nighttime sleeping is getting better, or at least, more manageable because I know what to expect and how to respond. (Now, I just wish she's stop waking up at 6:30 a.m. every morning.) I've got ideas in place for how to gradually improve her nighttime sleep. Success there!

I've also tried to implement two naps a day. One thing Pantley says is that babies will sleep better at night if they get the sleep they need during the day and a baby Zara's age is supposed to take 2-3 naps per day for an extra 3-4 hours of sleep. So I resolved right away to get Zara on a better nap routine. My goal is to get her to take at least an hour nap in the morning from about 8:30 to 9:30 am and a two hour nap in the afternoon, from 1 to 3 pm. But Zara? Won't sleep during the day.

Well, that's not entirely true. She sleeps for about 30 minutes in the morning and about 1 hour (1 hour and 30 minutes if I'm really lucky) in the afternoon. I think the problem is that now that I have an expectation that she will sleep at these pre-determined (by me) hours and she doesn't meet those expectations, then I get frustrated with her. Whereas before, I simply rejoiced when she'd deigned to sleep anytime, no matter what time.

Expectations....

I should never had gotten them.

And We're Moving To.....

Since graduating from college in August of 2005, I've lived some pretty exciting places.

There was the year I spent living in the beautiful splendor of Monterey, California where David and I met. Of all the places I've lived, Monterey is the one I'd most want to move back to.

And then I spent two years living in our nation's capitol, Washington, D.C., attending graduate school, working at awesome museums and meeting some of the coolest people in the world. My history-lovin' heart was full.

After marrying David, I moved to Oahu (where he'd already been living for two years). It is a tropical paradise but of all the places I have lived, Hawaii is the last one I'd want to move back to. But I'd certainly go there on vacation.

After a year in Hawaii, we moved here, to Seoul, Korea in 2008 where our daughter was born. I've loved living here and I find myself getting increasingly misty-eyed as I contemplate leaving.

But leave we must.

David will be getting out of the Navy (hooray) and finishing his Bachelor's degree in Accounting (double hooray) and so we can go anywhere and do anything we want.

So what exciting new locale will we be moving to come August?





Provo, Utah. (Well, hopefully we won't be living right in Provo....I'd prefer American Fork, Springville or Lehi....)

Exciting, right?

Kind of tame after Monterey, Washington DC, Hawaii, and Seoul but we couldn't be more excited. (Well, David still isn't super excited about Utah itself but he is excited for the reason we are moving there.)

David will be starting an MBA program in finance and international business at BYU in the fall. He just got his acceptance email this morning. I'm so proud of him. He's worked really, really hard and I'm so glad BYU recognized his potential.

I'm looking forward to being closer to family, living in AMERICA again, and all the glorious food. Utah I can take for two years. And then you better believe we'll be moving on to somewhere far more thrilling.

I'm hoping for China. :)

Sewing Fun

When I sew, I normally set up my machine on the kitchen table and take up more than half the table with all my stuff. So when the machine gets put away and the table is actually clean (which, let's face it, even when the sewing machine isn't there, the table is still a mess), I usually don't break out the machine for awhile. But I've been in the sewing mood lately, so out came the machine and the subsequent mess and it's stayed there for the last month. But at least now I've got a few cute sewing projects completed to show for it.

Now that this has been delivered to its recipient, I can share the baby quilt I made for my sister, who is expecting a boy in May.

I turned to my fabric stash and Oh, Fransson!, my favorite site for quilting inspiration for a quick project. She does beautiful, modern quilts and I just bought her book because I love her stuff so much. I really wanted to showcase the fun car fabric I bought awhile ago and I loved the punch of color and contrast the panel of blocks provided. (Fabric is by Riley Blake, whose fabric collections I love and always pick out without even meaning to.) I cut out pieces on Friday, sewed all day Saturday and Sunday and bound the quilt on Monday. (Which shows me that it doesn't take a year to make a quilt, like my last baby quilt took me....) Here's the finished product:



I machine quilted the entire quilt along the road. The binding was a pain but I think with more practice, I'll get much better at it. I machine sewed the entire binding, and I think in the future, I'll hand sew it which will leave me with better results. But, this is only the second time I've bound a project this way and I can already tell I've improved.

My sewing group has been working on sloper patterns. Basically, it is a very simplistic pattern that is fitted to your exact proportions which can then be modified and tweaked to create any number of garments that will fit your measurements each time. This is an ongoing, long-term project (it's really hard to get garments to fit well) so we've started making short goals that have to be finished in a month. Our project for the month of March was to make a skirt.

I used a fun sunburst fabric in my stash (again from Riley Blake) and designed my own skirt. I played around with pleats (never done them before) and put in a waistband with black piping. Since I didn't use a pattern, I had to improvise as I went along and my waistband doesn't fit as well as I'd like. I learned that wide waistbands are generally cut along a curve so that they are narrower at the top. I'll have to try that next time.

Otherwise, I'm quite pleased with my results. We had to wear our skirts to church on Sunday but since David had to work, I didn't have anyone who could take my picture, so I snapped this one in the mirror. I'll have to get a better photograph next time I wear it.

And I had to make Zara a coordinating outfit. I used this tutorial for a onesie dress which was fantastically easy and fun.
It's so fun to see something you made being used by the people you love. I have so many other projects I want to work on, I just wish I had more time to sew each day.

Zara at Seven Months!

Each month has its challenges and its pleasures. Last month was not my very favorite in the life of Zara, but I've enjoyed her so much more this month. Which is not to say that it hasn't had its own share of frustrations but I'm learning how to wait out the trying moments for the really good moments. Sometimes they happen in the same minute.


I feel increasingly lucky each month to actually get a shot of Zara lying still on her back. Typically, as soon as I set her down, she rolls right over and starts crawling away. It makes trying to change her diaper so. much. fun. She's getting huge, no?

General Observations, Physical Changes, Etc.

No check-up this month, but according to my own measurements, Zara is sitting right at 19 pounds and is 28.5 inches long.

She now has two bottom teeth which I can testify are very sharp. Luckily she doesn't bite. Much.


Apparently, Zara has very fat feet. I bought her some adorable new shoes (6-12 month size) and they were too small. I couldn't even get her big old feet inside them. It doesn't help that she tends to curl up her toes, thus making it nigh impossible to cram shoes on them, but when I do actually wrangle some shoes on her, they won't close because her feet are too fat. Most of the time she goes barefoot (she always kicks her socks off too) so I'll just worry about shoes when she's actually walking. Which may be next month at the rate she's going.

Zara and Suyom share many of their toys. They both enjoy rats, tape measures and plastic bags.

Zara has started to make a lot more noises. I was starting to get a little worried because she doesn't vocalize much, but in the last week, she's really started to make a lot more sounds (ma, ba, da, and ga being her favorite) and she blows raspberries quite frequently, but most especially right in my face.

She's a crawling monster. She crawls everywhere and fast. She also tries to pull herself up onto everything and can cruise along the furniture. Most of the time it means that she's trying to pull
herself using my pant leg, which depending on the pant, means I get pantsed quite frequently. She also really likes the bookcase in the office and pulling out the books. David has been encouraging her to leave his Chinese dictionary alone and instead go after the 501 Japanese verbs. Because we don't really need Japanese verbs.

Zara also loves to kick. Whether she's sitting, laying down, or being held, Zara likes to kick, kick, kick, particularly her right leg. It's rather amusing.

Zara also seems to be entering the "I want Mommy all the time" phase which, in some ways, is flattering, but in other ways, is downright annoying. She used to go willingly and happily to anyone that wanted to hold her, but lately, she cries if anyone else holds her, even David. She's always looking for me and often launches herself out of other people's arms if I get too close. She does still smile and flirt with people all the time (when I'm holding her) but she does get shy, and bury her head in my chest on occasion. For some reason, she does it most often around Koreans.


Eating and Sleeping Habits

Zara is still a fan of the milk but she has been doing a pretty good job of eating solids. So far, she has eaten apples, pears, bananas, peaches, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, carrots, peas, rice cereal and oatmeal. She prefers oatmeal over rice cereal and loves all the fruits, except for the peaches. She didn't really care for the peas or the sweet potatoes but she does seem to like the carrots and butternut squash. I pureed a whole bunch of carrots so I really hope she learns to love those carrots. I've got a bunch of them.

Zara eats solids in the afternoon for lunch (most days) and at dinnertime (everyday). She still nurses about every 2-3 hours, but not for very long. It seems like she barely eats anything before she starts trying to flip over and crawl off my lap.

With the solids has come more solid waste. I really miss those sweet smelling purely breastmilk poopy diapers. Because what she's got going on now? Stinks. Luckily, she seems to be pretty regular, meaning that she generally has one big poopy diaper in the morning. After we wake up, I change her into a disposable diaper and once she's had her big poop, she goes back into cloth diapers. So much easier than trying to clean those disgusting poopy diapers. Today, however, she totally blew out her diaper. She had poo all over. Literally. It was everywhere. Her onesie was covered. Fortunately, David was home and I declared it was his turn to change her but he seriously had to hose her off in the shower.

Changing her diaper feels like a battle each time. She won't stay on her back and flips over as soon as I take the diaper off. And she screams and wails if you try to get her to lay down to put a new diaper on. Sometimes, it takes both of us to get her properly cleaned and diapered.

Sleeping is still a struggle. Zara just will not fall asleep on her own. She falls asleep easily in her car seat (when we're driving) or if I have her in the Ergo carrier. Lately, I've just been letting her nap on me (in the Ergo carrier) because if I try to put her down, she'll only stay asleep for about 5-10 minutes before she wakes up. But she'll sleep for over an hour if she's on me. (I don't know how that's very comfortable.)

At night, I typically nurse her to sleep on our bed and then she sleeps with David and me. She typically wakes up at least twice during the night to eat more, but when she sleeps with us, I just have to roll over and it barely disrupts my sleep, which is good. But she's also been waking up about two hours after she falls asleep to eat more. I wish I could break her of that habit.

I succeeded in getting her to sleep at 7:30 three nights in a row but it didn't remain that easy. I think 8:30 is a better bedtime for her. She seems to sleep better when she goes to sleep later. I wish, however, that going to bed an hour later would mean that she'd sleep an hour later in the morning, but no. No matter what time she goes to sleep, Zara wakes up between 6:30am and 7am every morning. But I refuse to leave my bed before 7 a.m. (more often 7:30) so Zara just has to content herself with the toys I shove toward her while I drift in and out of consciousness.

Infant sleep is a topic fraught with many controversies. I am aware of all of them and I'm even more aware of what other people say I should do to rectify some of Zara's sleep habits. Make her cry it out alone, in her crib. Don't nurse her to sleep. Don't co-sleep, ever. "Train" your child how to sleep. Don't go to her immediately if she wakes up in the middle of the night. She'll eventually learn how to get herself back to sleep on her own. All that jazz. Basically don't do everything that I'm currently doing. I don't mean to disparage these ideas or even the mothers who use them, and find them successful. I certainly like the idea of them. Believe me, I'd love nothing better than putting my baby in her crib at 7:30pm, walking away, and having her sleep for a solid twelve hours with nary a peep or cry. It would be bliss. But that is not my reality. I did try it. (Though most people would say I just didn't stick it out long enough. And it's true. I'm a wimp.) I have thought long and hard about what Zara needs and how best to parent her while fostering a good, caring parent-child relationship. And I have felt--time and time again--that right now, this is what Zara needs and I will try to give her that as long as she needs. But I know that when she's ready, Zara will learn how to sleep on her own and without interruption. I don't feel like I need to justify our decisions, but I know I complain about Zara's sleep habits quite a bit. I don't mean to elicit sympathy or advice (though both are always welcome). It's been the biggest challenge in parenting for us so far and I feel that it's important to document her sleeping habits--and our responses to it--so that I'll remember what we did and why when the next baby rolls around.

Accomplishments and Firsts

Zara mastered crawling this month. She's a speed demon.

She has also learned how to pull herself up to standing, cruise along the furniture, and has gotten much better at sitting back down again on her own. She still falls quite a bit, but that seems to be happening less frequently.

Zara is beginning to figure out this whole waving business. She sometimes flaps her arm when we wave at her but I'm not sure she's really made the whole connection yet.

Zara definitely recognizes her name. She often jumps and stops what she's doing when I yell, "Zara! No!" generally right before she pulls the trash can over.

She's stood by herself (without holding onto anything) for about 2 seconds before promptly falling on her bum.

Baby's favorite toys, places to go, etc.

Zara still loves her animal countdown book, her rubber blocks and any and all books. Lately, she's also been delighted by one of my Easter bunnies who sings and flaps its ears and the plastic Easter eggs. I bought her a little pink basket and she grabs the handle and shakes it until the eggs fall out. Then she goes crawling after all the eggs and works really hard to pick one up (since they tend to just keep rolling away). One of her favorite things to chew on, besides my sewing tape measure, is her little rubber toothbrush.

Zara likes to be sung to, though she doesn't show much preference for any particular song.

Zara is a great traveler. She does well in her car seat and is happy to watch the world from her stroller or her carrier. Unless she falls asleep in her car seat, however, she typically rides in her carrier when we're out and about because Korea is not a stroller-friendly place.

Here are some of my favorite Zara photos from the past month:










Love this baby. Most days.

The Long and Winding Road

After my semester abroad in Rome, I stayed an extra two weeks to explore more of Europe. My friend and I made plans to visit Germany, Austria and Prague but when those plans fell through (long story), we joined up with another friend and her mother, who were going to rent a car and drive down to Sicily and explore other parts of Italy. As we drove through the tiny towns of southern Italy, I was constantly amazed and impressed by Mrs. Jones' fearlessness when driving around on the tiny curvy streets of Italy. I didn't think I could ever do it myself.

But after driving around on these roads for the last two years...



...there's no road I can't handle.

Lately, I've found myself taking a shortcut through these tiny roads just for the fun of it. I'm going to miss some of the crazy streets of Seoul when we return to America.

Baby for Sale

Most days, I face the challenges of having a baby who doesn't like to sleep with equanimity and perspective. Some days its a real challenge. Some days, you just want to give your baby away to the highest bidder.

Like today, for instance.

Zara went to bed at 8:30 last night and woke up every two hours wanting more food or comfort. By 5:30 a.m., she decided it was time to wake up and play. I tried desperately to get her to go back to sleep and for awhile, she let me just hold her while I drifted in and out of a semi-awake state before she grew tired and wriggled and waggled until she'd wrested her little body free of my arms. I finally being conscious enough to realize that her diaper was soaked so I stumbled into the nursery and with great wailing and gnashing of teeth managed to get a new diaper securely fastened over her cute behind. I did not, however, have the presence of mind or fortitude to snap her pajamas closed.

Despite my pleas and promises that I'd buy her a pony, Zara would not return to sleep. I set her in her crib and returned to the bed, hoping to get a little more sleep on my own, but Zara's ear-splitting shrieks prevented any more sleep from occurring. But after ten minutes of crying, Zara was now sufficiently worn out that she fell back into a fitful sleep in my arms and I retreated back to the bed for a little more shut-eye, Zara passed out on my chest.

I woke 45 minutes later to the feel of something wet near my hand only to discover that Zara had managed to pull her diaper off and was sitting, bare bummed and pleased as punch, in an ever spreading pool of pee, munching on the corner of my phone.

So, resigning myself to a sleepless fate, I cleaned that baby off, secured a new diaper over her nefarious bottom, and went about changing the sheets. The whole time I was secretly contemplating the benefits of selling off my child--she's pretty cute, I bet someone would pay good money for her, right?--and wondering why I was crazy enough to think I wanted MORE kids. But as I was holding Zara in my arms, she turned to me and gave me the biggest innocent baby smile, complete with two newly emerging bottom teeth and I realized that I'd just have to keep her after all. She's way too cute to let go.

But next time, I make no promises.

Trouble, with a Capital Z

My father-in-law has nicknames for all his children and grandchildren and he never, not once, calls his children by their actual name. Now, these names are all strange and bizarre with no connection whatsoever to the person's real name and they all have convoluted backstories or obscure pop cultural references. David's name is Ug. No really. He could tell you why, but I don't remember. Upon her birth, Zara was dubbed Zoomy. I guess my father-in-law just had a hunch, a feeling, that the name would fit. All I can say is that the man must be prophetic because this girl....? Does not sit still.



She's trouble. Big, big trouble. She's always moving, always on the go. She wants to kick, kick, kick or climb up on everything or grab everything or crawl everywhere.

She wants to touch everything, eat everything, see everything but she'd much rather do it standing up, if you please. Never mind that your pants are falling down because she won't stop grabbing onto them.

I'm afraid she's going to climb right out of crib one of these days or finally figure out how to scale a bookshelf. I've already had to snatch her away from the cat food more times than I care to admit and found her munching on unmentionable things. Building up a good, strong immune system, I hope?


Yes, this baby girl o' mine is trouble. Big, big trouble.


Help.

6 months and a week

A lot changes in a week when you've got a baby. You know?

Zara had her six month check-up today. She took the shots like a champ and the doctor declared her the best baby he'd ever seen. Not really. I'm just making it up. But he totally could have been thinking it.

Her new stats:

Height - 27.7 inches (95%)
Weight - 18.2 pounds (83%)
Head circumference - 16.9 inches (59%)

I don't think Zara gained as much weight this month because she was sick. I also noticed that my milk seems to be different. I thawed out some milk I froze back in December and I noticed that my milk now looks less creamy? It's like I was making 2% and now I'm only making skim. I guess my body knows how to regulate itself. Zara doesn't need to get all her nutrients from me since she's started to eat solids.

Anyway. A week. Man, it's been a week. In the last week Zara has -

- gone from army crawling to crawling on her hands and knees



- mastered sitting up unassisted

- figured out how to pull herself into a standing position (generally by holding onto a table, chair, or our hands for support)

- played the piano



- grew one whole tooth (I know she's growing more, but her first one just finally broke through the gum)

- rolled off the bed AGAIN (bad mom! you'd think I'd have learned....)

- started producing more...um... solid waste as a result of her new diet of solid foods

So yes. A lot changes in a week. I've got to keep an ever watchful eye on my bambina. I should never have encouraged her to roll over so soon. It's a slippery slope, I tell ya.

In other news, my friend told me that Zara reminds her of babies in old photos with her curly hair and rosy cheeks. A vintage baby, she called her. I think that's the best compliment I've ever gotten about my baby. She's a classic. She'll never go out of style.

But I bet vintage babies didn't pull everything out of their mother's purses in order to find the tube of lotion to chew on.

But then again, I bet vintage moms didn't leave their purses on the floor within easy reach of their babies.

Oh well. You live and learn.