TED Talks

I've been watching a lot of TED lately. If you haven't seen a TED Talk, they are 10-20 minute talks by scholars, activists, scientists, doctors, writers, etc. I find so many of the talks to be funny, inspiring, enlightening, and thought provoking. TED's tagline is "Ideas worth spreading" and I find that almost all of the talks I've watched do just that. I kinda want to give a TED talk myself in the future. I have no idea what I'd talk about, but I just think they are so cool. Here's a couple of my favorites:

My first TED Talk and still one of my favorites. Jill Bolte Taylor got a research opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: She had a massive stroke, and watched as her brain functions -- motion, speech, self-awareness -- shut down one by one. An astonishing story.

Sir Ken Robinson makes an entertaining and profoundly moving case for creating an education system that nurtures (rather than undermines) creativity. He is British so his talk is wonderfully dry and witty.

I've never read anything by Elizabeth Gilbert but I find her talk to be exceptionally insightful. She muses on the impossible things we expect from artists and geniuses -- and shares the radical idea that, instead of the rare person "being" a genius, all of us "have" a genius. It's a funny, personal and surprisingly moving talk.

Another wonderfully hilarious talk, while at the same time changing the way you might perceive happiness. Psychologist Shawn Achor argues that actually happiness inspires productivity.

Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy shows how “power posing” -- standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident -- can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success.

Enjoy! And tell me if you'd recommend other TED talks. I'm always looking for good ones to watch.

On Being an Introvert

I am an introvert; I hope this does not come as a shock to anyone. Reading a book is as necessary to me as breathing air. I crave alone time. I enjoy discussing difficult topics with thoughtful and respectful thinkers. I like to stay home where my environment is comfortable and familiar. I live, quite happily, within my head.

And all my life, I have thought this was the wrong way to be. 

See, we live in a world that favors extroverts—in all their gregarious and socialable glory—over the quiet observer. Every summer, as the new school year approached, I would meticulously arrange my back-to-school outfits and vow to God and my teddy bear Nick, that this year—this year!—was the year that I would be fun and outgoing and make new friends. I desperately wanted to be called “the life of the party” (whatever that means) and I secretly, fervently dreamed that I would nominated for the Homecoming court. (Delusional is also a good word for this particular pipedream.) 

Making friends, opening up to people...this was a tortuous process for me, fraught with self-doubt and disillusionment in my own worth. The sad reality is that I actually love to meet new people, to learn their stories and discuss their dreams and to connect as human beings. I just didn’t know how to achieve this without wading through small talk and mild pleasantries.

In Korea, a woman in our knitting group, a classic extrovert, was distraught over how to deal with her extremely introverted daughter. As we knit, my friend Kathryn, a wise introvert, would share how she felt and thought and dealt with her introvertness. It was the first time that I had ever realized that I was not alone in my experiences, and it gave me comfort. 

I read a book last week, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking and it changed my life. Susan Cain, the introverted author, exposes the benefits and beauties of being an introvert in a world that favors—rather unfairly—extroverts. For the first time, I felt that being an introvert was something of great power and purpose; a defining characteristic that gives me worth.

Most empowering—at least to me—was her determination (and much research backs this up) that introverts are not anti-social misanthropes, but rather, we are what are called “high reactives.” Unlike most extroverts, we have strong reactions to strange, loud, crowded or unfamiliar places. We are disoriented by social situations—not because we don’t like to be social, but the environment in which we are often forced to be social is distracting and disorienting. We favor intimate, familiar social settings, smaller groups, where we can have in-depth conversations that skip all the silly small talk that drives most introverts insane. 

Understanding this, and recognizing that most introverts feel this way, has been very helpful to me. It’s changed the way I perceive social situations and how I prepare myself to interact with people. 

But best of all….I have stopped feeling that just because I’m an introvert, I’m not as worthwhile a person as an extrovert. In fact, I love myself more now because I am an introvert. 

And that feels pretty good. 

I highly recommend reading Quiet or at the very least, check out Susan Cain's TED Talk from this past March: 

A Dirty Little Secret

I'm going to share a little secret about myself...the kind of dirty little secret we all have but would never admit to anyone.

I hate to brush my teeth.

In declaring my aversion to what many consider a sacrosanct daily ritual, I must clarify that despite my distaste for tooth brushing, I still do it, at least twice a day, as recommended by 5 out of 5 dentists. I just hate every single second of it.

Now, there are times when a thorough flossing and a deep brushing are particularly satisfying. And when done right, there's nothing I love better than getting a cleaning at the dentist's office (except for the fluoride wash because that is just a small step above torture, in my opinion). I once paid an obscene amount of money to have a delighted dental hygienist attack my entire mouth with a pointy little dental probe and scrape out all the build-up between my teeth, in and around my gums, and everywhere that probe could go. My mouth throbbed for days, but oh, it felt good and it felt clean.

But brushing my teeth with my boring little toothbrush with my boring minty toothpaste (or not minty, when I use David's because he's sensitive to mint) is boring and monotonous and often makes me question the meaning of life.

There are two types of teeth in my family: my mother's, who could have purchased a nice car with the amount of money contained within her mouth and my father's, whose teeth have never had the distinct pleasure of requiring a filling. Ever. My guilt over tooth brushing stems largely from the fact that, unlike the rest of genetically blessed siblings, I have my mother's mouth. I have simply stopped counting the number of cavities I have had filled or the amount of hours I have sat in a dentist's chair, my mouth propped open by some torture device and or listened to the sound of an electric drill whirling away inside my mouth.

My most frequent nightmares almost always include some variation of my teeth falling out, rotting away, or having my jaw/mouth wired shut, or having my mouth so full of bubblegum (which I admittedly love to chew) that I cannot breathe or talk and I cannot remove it from my mouth even when I try to pull it out.

Dream interpretations often suggest that losing your teeth is rooted in a fear of being embarrassed or made fun of in social situations (particularly over appearances) or to symbolize a sense of powerlessness. The mouth-full-of-gum either means that I have trouble communicating what I want to say or that I have sleep apnea and need to seek immediate medical attention.

And while these interpretations make quite a bit of sense for me personally (except for the sleep apnea thing), I still think it's my subconscious' way of guilting me into brushing my teeth with more vigor....or sometimes, just brushing them at all.

And now I shall go brush my teeth in anticipation for bedtime....and I may even floss.

Wandering feet to become wandering minds.....maybe?

David and I often discuss our blog. It comes up every few weeks in "Oh, we really should blog about something" way or a "I keep meaning to, but I don't know what to write" moan or a "I don't think anyone reads this thing anymore" realization. It's not that life is boring. In fact, life is pretty full for both of us and that may be where the problem stems. Amid all the homework, jobs, dirty diapers, and Stargate episodes (don't judge....we like SciFi), blogging just doesn't top the list of things to do.

While Zara is the most adorable, intelligent, delightful [and frustrating] child ever produced by two people (we're quite proud, thanks for asking), our blog has been veering into baby journal with a side helping of travelogue territory for quite some time. None of these things are inherently bad. I enjoy reading about my friends' children, daily life, and travel adventures and see no problem with our blog--which was meant for family and friends--to continue to do the same.

But whenever David and I think of what to write, we invariably want to delve deeper and write about our recent ruminations and reflections on life and the random topics that interest us. So, this is fair warning that in addition to updates on Zara's awesomeness and our day-to-day adventures, we may be filling this blog with more substantive material. This blog will still be written mainly for our friends and family--we don't aspire for a large readership--and you are welcome to ignore our intellectual--and not so intellectual--ramblings or jump in and start a conversation.

Things could start to get a little fun around here.

(But I make no promises.)

(Because it will still probably take me another 2 months to write another blog post.)

Zara's Second Birthday!

Miss Zara Hope Malone had a birthday last Friday and she had a grand old time. On Friday afternoon, we got together with some of my friends and their children at Bicentennial Park in Provo. It was a beautiful day, not too hot or sunny, but perfect park day weather. The kids played on the playground, swung in the swings, and ran wild and we had a little lunch and cupcakes in honor of Zara's birthday. It was low key and enjoyable. I'm glad that so many of my friends were able to come because, let's be honest, a two year old's birthday is not for the two year old. Zara had absolutely no concept that Friday was any different than any other day, but she got to eat cake and I got to hang out with my friends. All in all, a win for both of us.

David came home from work early and we played together and then went to Cafe Zupas for dinner since we had a gift card. We came home, ate MORE cupcakes, opened presents and put Zara to bed, completely hopped up on lots of sugar.

Zara loves cupcakes.

Can I eat it now?

"Daddy, I can't eat my cupcake if you kiss me!"

Zara shows you how a cupcake should be eaten.

No hands!

Today being Labor Day, we took the holiday to make a trip to Ikea. I really wanted to buy a toy organizer for Zara's room since her toys are all over the place, mostly stored in various plastic containers (mostly in our living room) and they are not easily accessible for Zara to play with. We ended up coming home with this pretty white storage unit and fun pink and white containers.

We may have also bought some new train tracks for Zara to play with. She loves pushing the trains around and saying "Choo choo!" the whole time.

The containers are HUGE and hold all her toys and there's still room for more. (I do want to toss several of her toys out soon as well.) I love the fun colors and the ease with which Zara will now be able to play with all her toys. And maybe she will play with them in HER room rather than taking over the limited space in our front room.

I know that this is far more a gift for me than for Zara but like I said, a two year old has no expectations for their birthday so I'll just buy her what I want for myself until she starts having an opinion of her own. And when that day comes, heaven help us. That girl is stubborn.

We just love our Baby Zara and may soon have to wean ourselves of calling her baby all the time. We are just so proud of our little girl and I think she's just the best dang kid out there. We're so glad she's ours and hope to have many more birthdays to celebrate with her. Happy Birthday Zara!

Summer 2012 Otherwise known as Provo is kinda fun?

I posted this on our MBASA (MBA Spouse Association's) blog, but I thought I'd post it here as well since it gives a pretty good synopsis of what's been going on with the Malones this summer.

 I made the decision early on that no matter where my husband, David, ended up getting an internship, I would stay in Provo for the summer, mostly on account of the fact that I work at BYU and couldn't take 10 weeks off of work for his internship. David was in the military before coming to BYU for his MBA so we are well-accustomed to both moving (A LOT) and being separated (A LOT).

But as winter semester came to an end, David was still without an internship.  He had done everything he was told to do--information sessions, conferences, networking, etc.--but came up empty each time. I knew something would work out in the end, but David, as you can imagine, was more than a little stressed by the situation. In the middle of finals week he had an interview with one company; the next week he had landed an interview with another company and suddenly and inexplicably in the matter of one week, he went from having no leads to have two very promising possibilities. A week after finals, David received an offer from Utah Retirement Systems and one week after that, he started his internship. Just like that. It really is amazing how these things work out sometimes. And even better, I got to keep my husband around for the summer. David certainly had not been planning on doing a local internship, but in retrospect, it was the absolute best outcome.

Utah Retirement Systems (URS) is Utah's public pension fund providing benefits to teachers, firefighters, policemen, etc. David was hired as a finance intern with URS's real estate team who manage a diverse portfolio of both domestic and international properties. David's main project was to analyze and assess the risk in the portfolio using various techniques including Monte Carlo simulation (don't ask me what that means) on many of their holdings and potential future investments. The team includes just 4 people (5 with David) so he got a lot of personal mentoring, and was instrumental in helping them close several important deals. In fact, they liked him so much that they've asked him to continue working for them (part-time) for the rest of the school year.

The whole family, meanwhile, had a great summer. Surprisingly, Provo is actually a really fun place to be in the summer. There's tons of fun, family-friendly and nearly free activities going on all the time. Here's how we passed our summer:

We hung a swing from a tree in our front yard and our daughter, Zara, had a blast swinging. In fact, "swing" is one of the few words she can say clearly and definitively.

We went to Provo's Pioneer Day Extravaganza. I'm pretty sure Zara wants a pony now.

We hiked Stewart Falls up Provo Canyon.

It's a pretty easy hike (our daughter was able to do a lot of it herself) and the falls are absolutely breathtaking.

We planted a garden in our backyard.

And things actually grew! (We have NOT been successful in this arena in the past.)  

 

In fact, we may have been TOO successful. I'm going to have way too much butternut squash on my hands in a few weeks.They are HUGE.

We visited David's work and since he worked only a few blocks from Temple Square, we took in the sights.

We spent the week in San Diego with my family and had a blast playing in the sand and water.

(And by we, I really just mean Zara. And yes, that bear goes with her everywhere.)

But best of all, we just got to spend lots of time together as a family. It's the first time in four years of marriage that David has not been going to school full-time (on top of working full-time) so we just got to spend lots of great quality time together.

What Was I Saying Again?

So the other day I was chatting with a friend online, and she made the comment that she likes the way I write. I like the way I write, too, but for some reason I just can’t find the motivation to write anything anymore, hence the repeated promises to friends and family that I will write more on this blog, only to make myself, once again, a liar… with a capital L… so it should have looked like this Liar… but I should have put that second “Liar” in quotes like I just did with that one right there… and I probably should have offset it with a colon…. So in summary, when stating how something should have looked, you should always put it in quotes and offset it with a colon, like this: “Liar.” What was I saying again?

Oh yes, writing. When I was a younger version of myself, meaning that I was a teenager, meaning that I was a squeaky-voiced juvenile, meaning I was prepubescent, meaning that I was probably around 13 or 14, meaning that… what was I saying again?

Oh yes. Younger me, writing. Gotcha. So when I was of fewer years than I am today, I used to write quite a bit. It was all meaningless, mind you. No one in their right mind would actually read all of the words, because, let’s face it, I was writing about nothing. I would scribble on and on—as opposed to babble, because we’re talking about writing here. Do try to pay attention. Anyway, rarely was a useful or even coherent thought articulated on page. Still, I considered it a gift—and still do in fact—that I could fill volumes with little more than a merry-go-round of empty thoughts. I mean, how could you not consider that a gift? Seinfeld did standup comedy about nothing and people liked it so much and they threw so much money at him to make a TV show about nothing that by the end of that show, the four main characters were making over a million an episode… each. How could that not be considered a gift?! I mean, I… wait… what was I saying again?

Oh yes, so my friend makes the comment that she liked the letters I used to write to her back before I went on a mission to Taiwan. I had completely forgotten that I had even written her any letters. Then I got to thinking about all the other people I’ve written letters to, and of course there was the infamous event back when I was a younger version of myself (you remember what that means, of course), when I unintentionally wrote a 7 or 8 page letter to a girlfriend…. Yes, unintentionally. I don’t remember what was in that letter any more, but I do remember that I was a little surprised at how long it was. Anyway, what was I saying again?

Oh yes, so this former girlfriend thought it’d be fun to write more pages than me and she returned something like a 12 page letter… but she cheated. On about half of the pages she had only written one word really big across the entire sheet. Even though I knew she’d cheated, I still felt the need to retaliate with an even longer letter and I quite boldly and rashly proclaimed that I would write her a 40 page letter! …Yeah, about that…. Well, in the end I cheated a little bit by having a dialogue on page with my older sister, but only for the last few pages. I mean, honestly, how long do you think I can write about nothing before even I start to get bored?! It isn’t always easy, you see. It requires an unfocused mind and a well of whimsy. Well, on that occasion the well dried up a bit and I needed a little help, a little extra material with which to work. Thank goodness for older sisters…. Wait, I’m not here to talk about older sisters! What was I saying?

Oh yeah, letters and writing. So I like to write, I really do, but I realize that some of the people reading this may have already given up before I even get to my point. Wait? What is my point? Where am I going with this? Hold on, I need to retrace my steps…. Writing, gotcha… whimsy, okay… Taiwan, I always like going back there… Oh yes! There’s my point, back at the top where I started!

So as I was saying, about my friend. We’ve been friends for ages, but we’ve never met in person. That’s right, I have an internet friend. We’ve talked a few times on the phone and corresponded through email and letters, but mostly through Facebook chat these days. She was one of the first people I met (and the only one to stand the test of time) back in the day when I first started using the internet, back when AIM was cool. Do you remember that far back? I have trouble….

Anyway, what was I saying again? Yes, my internet friend, and what a good friend she is. We’ve really been there for each other over the years, through good times and bad. And even though we haven’t ever met, she really is one of my best friends. I look forward to meeting her in person someday and introducing her to my family as one of my oldest, dearest friends. So, Renee, if you made it this far through this post, this one is for you. Thanks for inspiring me to write something, even if most of it was just a bunch of nonsense.

Maybe next time I’ll try to write something people can actually stand to read… or maybe I’ll just keep being myself.

Happy 4 Years!

In honor of our four-year anniversary, David and I reflected on our favorite moments from each year of our marriage. Most of them involve trips, but one is obviously about a certain little girl who looks a lot like her father.

4 Memorable Moments in 4 Years

Year 1 - Kauai
Right before we left Hawaii to move to Korea, David and I took a weekend trip to Kauai. Though we both enjoyed our honeymoon to the Big Island, we both agreed that we liked Kauai more. Not only is it a smaller, more quiet island, but we had a great time hiking, kayaking, snorkeling, and just enjoying our time together. Ahh, life before children. It was grand, it was. 

Year 2 - Taiwan/China
Our first year in Korea, David and I had the chance (pre-Zara, of course) to do some traveling. David loved getting to take me to Taiwan and his old mission haunts and introducing me to people he knew there. We had a great time (although I was newly pregnant and therefore slightly nauseated a great deal of the time). I loved our trip to China and I can't wait to go back. Hiking the Great Wall of China while 6 month pregnant will probably always be something I'll be insanely proud of. 

Year 3 - Zara Hope Malone makes her debut
Yes, year 3 was completely overshadowed by one little girl making her entrance on August 31. In gestation, as in life, she is one independent and determined little lady and it's a good thing I didn't actually get induced because if there's one thing I've learned about Zara in my 2 years as her mother, it's that she wants to do everything for herself and you simply cannot convince to do something if she does not want to do it. 

Year 4 - Road trip.
Year 4 marked our return to the United States and the start of David's MBA program. It's been a great year in so many ways, but we'll always mark our great American road trip as a highlight of our early years of marriage. We saw so many friends, visited so many cool places, and enjoyed so much of our beautiful country, that I'll always remember our road trip fondly and look forward to doing another one.

Here's hoping for another 40 years together, at least!

The Good Life

I've had a good life. Sometimes it is really easy to forget that fact, especially when I compare my life to what I imagined as a teenager. I think, "Well, I haven't achieved this" or "I haven't done this like I said I would" or most especially, "I thought I'd have more to show for my life by age [insert whatever age I am now]." It's so easy to slip into the lie--especially after changing my fourth diaper of the day and cleaning up after the whirlwind that is Zara Malone--that I have nothing to show for myself. It's not true but it's so, so easy to think it.

There are lots of things I want to accomplish in my lifetime. Lots of places to see, goals to complete, milestones to reach. And while the thought of achieving any number of these life goals for myself fills me with a sense of purpose and excitement, sometimes I just have to stop and remind myself that even if it takes me another 30 years to get there, I've had a pretty good run of it so far.

So what are you proud of doing so far in your life? And what do you hope to accomplish in the future?

Remember how I said I wanted to post more frequently in 2012? See how well that's working out for me?

Yeah, I know. I wish I had some super awesome reason for why I've been slacking on the updates but really, there's not much to report on. Life has been pretty much the same around here. I don't mean to imply that life hasn't been good--because in many ways, it has been great--but it's just the same. But here are a few notable things to mention:

1.) David got an internship! Internships for MBA students are like a BIG HUGE deal which we've been hearing about since orientation back in August. It was really annoying to have everyone asking you where you'd be interning back when it was only November! School ended, though, with no prospects in sight and then suddenly, there were two different internships with two interviews back-to-back and it was insanity. But the end result is that David is interning with the real estate investment team of the Utah Retirement Systems. It's based in SLC which means he has a long commute, but at least he's here and not interning in some other state far away from me and Zara. His first day was today and I'm hoping that it will be a great experience for him.

2.) As a result of said internship, David purchased a second car so that we would both be able to get ourselves to work. His only requirement was that the car be a stick shift and David succeeded in that end. All I know about the car is that it's a green Saturn with tires in the back seat and that I'm seriously going to need a refresher course on driving a stick since it's been....oh, 12 years since I last drove one.

3.) Zara is my favorite child ever. I say this confidently because she is my only child.

4.) I have high hopes for having a great summer. I'm hoping we'll get out a little more on the weekends and explore more of Utah and hopefully make a trip down to San Diego at some point. Once taken has taken part one of the CFA exam (in June), we'll have the whole summer of no homework....which will be a first for our marriage. Yay!