Bad Mom

Now, I know I've only been doing this for six months so far, but I like to think that I'm a pretty good mom.

But Sunday I felt, for the first time, that I was a horrible, very bad, no good mother.

I was in a hurry Sunday morning, trying to get ready for church. Church has recently moved to an earlier time which means I'm generally running late and David was already at work, so it was entirely up to me to make sure that both Zara and I looked presentable and still made it out the door on time.

Zara was on our bed, playing with her animal book as I was hopping back and forth from the bathroom to the vanity area (where I could keep an eye on Zara). I was fiddling with something when I heard the most horrific sound in the world. The sound of something hitting the hard wood floor and the wail of a baby in distress.

Yup. I'm the horrible mother who wasn't paying attention when her baby rolled right off the bed. (And, as is always the case, the night before David and I been discussing how we probably shouldn't put her on any elevated surfaces since she had started rolling so much.)

Fortunately, Zara was fine. She cried for about five minutes and then calmed down. She has a small bruise on her forehead, but other than that, she had no other external injury. After the accident, I checked the dilation of her pupils, felt for any contusions and bumps and watched for any signs of brain injury. She was acting normal, which according to the books I consulted, meant there was probably nothing to worry about but to watch her carefully for the next six hours. (All good there.)

I would have just skipped church, but I was teaching the lesson in Relief Society so after cuddling Zara for a little bit, I finished getting myself and her ready. Needless to say, we were late to church.

Thankfully, the results of my awful parenting did not lead to serious injury and I will try to be more careful in the future. But I know that despite all my best efforts, accidents will happen. My baby will get hurt. Sometimes it'll be her own fault, and sometimes, I'll probably share some of the blame. I know I can't beat myself up about it, or even shelter my baby from everything--and anyone--that could potentially harm her. As she grows, she'll learn from her mistakes and I have to be willing to allow her to make them. But how, my mother friends, do you deal with the days when you feel like a no good, very bad, awful mother?