Three Babies Part III

Everyone warned me that three kids was the hardest number and they weren't lying. There were certainly a few moments in those first few weeks where I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown. But for the most part, I think I've been handling the jump to three kids pretty well. I definitely have to be more regimented and stick to a routine as much as possible in order to not have our house devolve into utter chaos. It definitely helps that Zara is in kindergarten now so her school schedule forces us to have some semblance of structure. There are days that I'm able to be productive and on top of things, and there are some days when the house is in shambles and I never get out of my pajamas. But we're working towards a new normal and I'm pretty proud of myself for juggling all these babies. 

The other day, as I was walking with Adelaide and Benjamin to pick up Zara from school, I kept thinking how incredibly lucky we have been to be blessed with three such beautiful and healthy children. How did I get so lucky when I know so many people who have not been able to have children of their own or who have endured multiple miscarriages? Or who have had children but deal with health and behavioral issues on a wide spectrum ranging from learning disabilities to food allergies to autism or cancer. (And who work tirelessly to provide the absolute best for their children no matter their circumstances. I am in awe of these parents.) And yes, my children are still young and there may yet be some devastating diagnoses in our future, but for now, we're luckier than we really deserve to be. 

But amid this good fortune lurks the ever-present fear that something may happen to these children of mine, whether an illness, accident or something more serious. The hardest part of loving someone is living with the knowledge that you could loose it all. It keeps me up at night and knocks the breath out of my lungs when I least expect it. It can be debilitating sometimes, this constant fear, but the rational side of me insists I still move forward, tells me I need to let my children experience the world for themselves no matter how hard it is and how difficult the consequences may be. 

To give my heart to these three babies is the hardest thing I've ever done....because it also means I have to be open to the possibility of someday having to live without them again too. I just hope in this thing as well we continue to be far luckier than we deserve to be. I can't do without this family of mine. 

High Museum of Art

September 26th was the Smithsonian's free museum day. Being the museophile that I am (totally just made up that word), I insisted that we visit one of the participating museums in our area. I picked the High Museum of Art for several reasons. David and I had visited the museum pre-kids, but we had never taken the kids there and haven't really visited any art museums with them. We've tended to favor natural history/history museums that are a little more interesting for kids. The High is an excellent art museum but it also has a hefty admission price so I definitely wanted to take advantage of a free visit. Plus they currently have an exhibition of Mo Williem's artwork and I thought the girls would be interested in that since they love the Pigeon books. 

Our first stop, of course, was the Mo Williems' exhibit. He's the author/illustrator of several children's books including "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus" and "Goldilocks and the Three Dinosaurs." His pigeon series are some of the girls' favorites. Adelaide has been reading "The Pigeon Needs a Bath" to herself every night for the last two weeks. 

They had several tables and chairs set up in the exhibit with lots of his books and David laughed to realize that we've pretty much read all of his works. His style is very fun and whimsical, much in the style of Dr. Seuss. 

After the Mo Willems' exhibit, we stopped at the outdoor patio to eat some snacks and enjoyed a very large exhibit of apples and pears. 

We then hit the Family Learning Center which had a cardboard bus (with a pigeon at the wheel!) which the girls loved dashing in and out of. They also had some puppets and blocks. 

They also had an exhibit about the design of the Coke bottle being that this is Atlanta (home of Coke) and Coke's 100th anniversary. It was a fascinating exhibit. But I love anything that has to do with design and American culture. 

We then toured the permanent collection of European and American art. The design of the museum is really interesting. The four floors are assessed through a series of ramps that line the interior of the museum space and culminate in a huge open sky light. 

At the bottom floor of the main wing is an art installation called Utah Sky by Michael Lin. Adelaide thought it was wonderful to dance across the flowers....

...and then plopped herself right down to make flower angels or something. She was having a grand ole time. 

It rained all weekend and was still drizzling pretty steadily as we left the museum but the girls wanted to play on the spinning tops, an interactive art installation in the museum's courtyard. 

They are made from a variety of ropes and pipes of various designs and colors and spin like the Tea Cups at Disneyland. 

The girls and I (with Benjamin strapped to my chest) got inside while David pushed us around and around. I used to love the Tea Cups but I may be getting too old. I felt quite sick getting off but the girls loved it. And although we emerged with wet butts, we all enjoyed our day at the museum. 

Fall Break

Zara had fall break this week which meant a whole week off of school even though they just started. Makes sense to me! In any case, we decided to make this fall break fun so Zara and I sat down last Sunday and made a list of all the things we wanted to do for the week and I'm happy to report that we checked off a huge portion of our list. With my pregnancy and Benjamin's arrival, we haven't gotten to get out and do much lately so I really wanted to take the opportunity to enjoy the very last vestiges of summer and welcome in autumn. So here's a rundown of our week's adventures: 

Monday

Monday was a beautiful day. Warm, but not too hot, overcast but with hints of sun and no signs of rain. We packed a lunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and enjoyed a picnic at the park and then played for several hours. 

Tuesday

Tuesday was a low-key day which saw us enjoying a play date at a friend's house. My friend (who has three children of very similar ages to my three) was even kind enough to let me leave the girls at her house for an hour so I could run to the grocery store with just Benjamin. If you've ever shopped with three kids, you know what a luxury this is. My kids do a pretty good job when shopping. I just hate how long it takes to get in and out of all the car seats, especially if I need to make more than one stop. 

Wednesday

I needed a lot of time to prepare myself for Wednesday's planned outing: the zoo. It was supposed to be a sunny day, the hottest of the week which I thought would be best for our zoo day. Zoo Atlanta is not terribly big so it's easy to see most of the animals pretty quickly. The real highlight is the kid zone which features a splash pad, playground, petting zoo, and rides. I was quite happy to discover that my new double jogging stroller just barely fits into the trunk of my Accord. Without it, I don't think I could have survived the zoo with three kids by myself. 

After visiting most of the animals we wanted to see (the big attraction are the pandas), we went to the kid's area to eat our packed lunch. Zara was distraught to see that the splash pad was not on. Suddenly, the whole day was ruined (Oh, the emotional rollercoaster of being 5.) Thankfully, as we were eating our lunch, a zoo worker came and turned the water on.

Adelaide and Zara had a blast running through the splash pad. It was hard to get them to leave. But then poor Adelaide scraped her toe and knee and that was the end of that. We then peaked in on a few more animals and then headed home before downtown traffic got too bad. 

I wore those girls right out. They both fell asleep on their way home. But we had a great time and now I have a zoo membership so we can go back anytime we want. 

Thursday

I was pretty worn out on Thursday from all the zoo excitement so Thursday was going to be another low key day. I woke up late and had to rush to get us all packed into the stroller to take a walk to the local library where we enjoyed their preschool storytime. 

After reading books about fall, they broke out the parachute (always a big hit) and then did a fall craft. We came home for lunch and naps and then watched Cars. 

Friday

Friday we went to Champion Kids, a gymnastics center, that holds open play time on the weekdays to play on their trampolines, ropes, and bouncing equipment. I've never been able to take Zara since they don't do open time on Saturdays so I wanted to let the kids play. They had a pretty good time although Zara definitely enjoyed it more than Adelaide. 

On our way home, we stopped at Gigi's Cupcakes for a cupcake treat. I've been trying to find a good cupcake place and have tried several okay places but I think Gigi's is my new favorite. We came home for lunch and then we all took naps. Zara doesn't like to nap so this was a big deal. Part of the reason could be because Zara came home with a fever. Delightful. 

After our naps, we did our own art projects. Zara loves to create and paint and she's gotten very good with her art supplies. Adelaide, on the other hand, just makes big blobs of paint. But they both enjoyed themselves. 

Saturday we went to the High Museum of Art but since I took lots of photos, I'll make that it's own post. In any case, we had a great week but I'm looking forward to school starting again on Monday. I need a break from our fall break. 

Three Babies Part II

I really think my children are much cuter than the sum of their parts. David and I aren't this cute. How'd we produce three such creatures? Then again, we haven't hit the awkward teenage years yet. Maybe their genetics will finally catch up with them then.

Three Babies

I love that each of my kids was born in a different place--Zara in Seoul, Korea, Adelaide in Provo, Utah (sorry, Adelaide), and Benjamin in Atlanta, Georgia. Aside from the fact that it shows how frequently we move, it's also another reminder of their differences and unique personalities.

I also find it interesting how I've come to know my children. With Zara, I had very distinct impressions of who she was before she was even born. I knew she would be stubborn. I knew she would be very active. (She canNOT sit still. And she's such a little dancer.) And I also knew that she would bring a lot of joy to the world. She has such a kind heart and a lot of empathy. She seems to be intuitively attuned to the feelings and moods of others.

I knew absolutely nothing about Adelaide before she born, not even her name. (With both Zara and Benjamin, I was 99% sure of their names in the week before their birth.) She was a complete mystery to me but within two or three days of her birth, I was struck with the sudden and inexplicable knowledge that Adelaide and I would have a very close bond. Adelaide is my little mini-me in looks and temperament and despite her attitude (which she got from me) I find that she rarely pushes my buttons the way Zara does.

Like Adelaide, Benjamin was a largely unknown entity to me. I had the impression before his birth that he was scared to be born and that's why he delayed his arrival. (And yes, he was only 4 days late but those 4 days felt like an eternity.) And yet, three weeks since his birth, Benjamin is still something of an unknown entity to me still but I fall in love with him a little bit more everyday. And as I get to spend more time with him, hopefully I'll come to know him better. I think he may surprise me.

Benjamin's Baby Blessing

We had Benjamin's blessing on Saturday (August 15th) at our home. My parents were in town (my mom has been here for nearly 2 weeks and my dad flew in on Thursday) and by lucky coincidence, my brother and his wife Elisa and daughter Grisette were able to be there too. My brother lives in New Jersey but is attending a work conference in Florida and they were able to stop in Atlanta on their way to Orlando. 

Several members of David's family were able to be there, including lots and lots of cousins. It was a big party. In addition to my dad and brother, David's dad, and two brothers-in-law, Jeremy and Matt, were also able to bless Benjamin. The first counselor in the bishopric, Brother McCreary, was also there to make things official.

David started the blessing by telling Benjamin how grateful we are to have him in our family and that we have been expecting his arrival for some time. He blessed him to be filled with optimism and hope despite the ever increasing dangers of the world and to be filled with curiosity and a desire to learn. He also blessed him with patience, love and virtue and that he would be a good example to both his sisters and his parents. David also told him to be mindful of those in need and to serve them in any way that he can.

About as good a family photo as we're every likely to get.

 David and Benjamin after the blessing.

 Sweet sleeping baby.

David's mom and dad with Benjamin.

Such a handsome boy.

After the blessing, we had a big dinner and the kids played and played and played while the adults chatted. Benjamin had an exciting day yesterday and didn't get many naps so he ended up sleeping straight through the night, bless him. He's more than made up for it today with lots of extra feedings and mini naps. We just love this little boy.

Zara's First Day of Kindergarten

Georgia starts school really early and before I knew it, it was time for Zara to start her first day of kindergarten.  I'd bought all her uniforms and school supplies before Benjamin was born and we were all prepared for the day to come. Still,  I wish we'd had a little bit more summer to enjoy together.

So far, Zara has been a little uncertain about school. She's often unhappy about having to go in the morning, but when I pick her up in the afternoon, she always says she had a good time. She seems to like her teacher (Ms. Welch) and I have had positive interactions with her so I'm optimistic that she'll have a good year. I do worry about her making friends and being challenged enough. But I'm hoping that with a small class of just 13 students that she'll get a little bit more individualized attention and help.

Benjamin Rhys Gets His Name

Naming babies is hard work. We really struggled to find the right name for each of our kids and I always second guess myself after the name is chosen and it takes me several weeks to settle into their names. It was no different with Benjamin.

When I first got pregnant with Zara five years ago, David and I were convinced she was a boy. Part of that conviction was due to the fact that we each came up with the same boy name separately...but we had no girl names we liked. The name, of course, was Benjamin. Even though we didn't get to use it for Zara, it was always at the top of my list of possible names if we ever had a boy.

When we found out baby #3 would be a boy, I knew Benjamin would be a top contender for a name. But I didn't want to declare our search over without considering other options and before he was actually born. I firmly believe you need to meet your kid before you name them.

We poured over baby names and discussed other possibilities. I knew I didn't want anything super modern. I like traditional names. David wanted something Irish or that would at least point to our heritages.

Our list included many names, but the top contenders were Benjamin, Patrick, Declan, Peter, Jack, Liam, and Alexander. Benjamin was still my top pick but David was less sure. But during the last week or so of my pregnancy, I did start thinking of him as Benjamin in my head. I was 99% sure that was his name. Luckily, after he was born David agreed with me. He was a Benjamin.

There are several reasons why I liked Benjamin. It means son of the right hand or son of the south and since he was born in Georgia, I thought it was especially fitting. I also liked that it was the name of several great men like Benjamin Franklin or King Benjamin from the Book of Mormon. He was a wise leader who emphasized service, compassion, and love. I hope my son finds value in their examples.

The middle name was much harder to agree on. I liked Patrick or Lee for a middle name. Patrick is David's dad's middle name and Lee is my dad's. But we didn't want to honor one grandfather over the other and Benjamin Patrick Lee seemed a little excessive.

I had put Rhys (pronounced Reese) on our list of names but knew it'd be a middle name, not a first name. I'd heard the name, of course, but I discovered it again on a list of Irish/Gaelic names. David really wanted something that pointed to our heritages and both of us have many ancestors who hailed from the British Isles--Scotland, Ireland, Wales, and England.

Rhys is originally a Welsh name which means ardor or enthusiastic. We thought that was a fitting companion to Hope and Grace, Zara and Adelaide's middle names. I think we did a good job...I only hope Benjamin agrees.

Introducing Benjamin Rhys Malone

Benjamin Rhys Malone

Born: Sunday, July 26, 2015

Time: 9:39 AM

Weight: 8 pounds 12 ounces

Length: 19.5 inches

I see so many similarities and differences in the labors and deliveries of my three children. Benjamin’s was my quickest and perhaps easiest labor, but if I had to rank them, I’d still say Adelaide’s was my favorite (if you can have a favorite tale of pain and baby birthing). But since I love birth stories, here’s Benjamin’s story.

I’d been having contractions on and off for nearly two weeks (sometimes with more intensity and frequency than other times) and I waited expectantly for true labor to begin at any moment. For nearly a week, I thought every day was going to be THE day. With each passing day of continued pregnancy, my optimism faded. I had myself absolutely convinced he would arrive on Friday, July 24^th, but after a day of nearly constant but intermittent contractions, I still found myself pregnant by day’s end. On Saturday, my contractions stopped. My sister predicted the baby would come Sunday since she had a very similar labor with her third child. Near constant contractions, 24 hours of nothing, and then boom. Baby.  I hoped she was right but didn’t want to get my hopes up again.

We spent our Saturday together as a family. We walked to Zara’s school and played at their playground and then came home to eat popsicles and lunch. We decided to introduce the girls to Star Wars and so settled in with some popcorn and Episode IV, which the girls seemed to like. (Adelaide especially liked Chewbacca, who she kept calling a bear.) Not being much in the mood to cook, we went to Panda Express for dinner. My fortune, fittingly enough, said “Remember yesterday, live for today, and plan for tomorrow.” After putting the girls to bed, I watched some TV, took a shower, and fell into a fitful sleep.

Around 3 AM, I woke up to use the bathroom but found I was too restless to fall back asleep. I had a contraction and finding it slightly more intense than usual, I decided to start tracking them. I laid in bed for about half an hour and then moved into the living room to use my exercise ball. The contractions were definitely harder but still only 5-7 minutes apart. By 4 o’clock, I thought it was time to wake up David. I didn’t want to delay going to the hospital since I knew it would take us a long time to get the girls situated and drive to the hospital which is 30 minutes away if there’s no traffic.

David was very disoriented since he had stayed up way too late watching a movie and hadn’t been asleep long. He hopped in the shower while I went to call the on-call midwife and his sister, Fiona, about watching the girls. By 5 AM, my contractions were now 3-5 minutes apart and growing more intense but still manageable. We packed up the car and woke up the girls to drive them to Fiona’s house about 15 minutes away. The girls were excited about the baby’s arrival and Zara excitedly kept talking about her baby brother. Adelaide seemed rather distraught when we dropped her off at Fiona’s house but Fiona assured me she didn’t cry for very long.

Back in the car, we made our way to the hospital, still another 30 minutes away. My contractions had now slowed down again, which worried me since I didn’t want to arrive at the hospital only to be told I was having false labor. The contractions were more painful, but back to 7-10 minutes apart. I thought part of the problem was the fact that I was sitting down. I just needed to get up again and move around to keep my labor going.

We pulled into the hospital parking garage around 6 AM and made our way to the Labor and Delivery unit on the 7^th floor. I’d never actually been inside the hospital so I had no idea what to expect. All I knew is that this hospital (in downtown Atlanta) is one of only two hospitals in the metro Atlanta area that specialize in natural childbirths and allow waterbirths at their facilities. My midwives only deliver at this hospital and have a strong partnership with them, which is why I had chosen to work with my midwife group and deliver at Atlanta Medical Center (AMC) in the first place.

Georgia unfortunately doesn’t have any birth centers and homebirths reside in a somewhat legal gray area which is why I ultimately opted to have a hospital delivery. I’d asked them many questions about what to expect at AMC and I had thought it would be more like my birth center experience but I was quickly to discover that they would operate like most other hospitals when it came to labor and delivery—lots of “standard measures of care” and little choice.

As soon as we checked in, I was taken to a triage room where I was required to put on one of those delightful hospital gowns that don’t close in the back even though I had specifically requested in my birth plan that I wanted to labor in my own clothes. I also had to have 20 minutes of constant fetal monitoring before they’d let me go into a labor and delivery room. This was also something I didn’t want because I knew having to lay in bed for 20 minutes would slow my labor once again.

The baby’s heartbeat was strong, but the nurses were concerned that my contractions were still so far apart. But when they checked me, I was already dilated to a 7, maybe an 8 and so they finally believed me when I said I just needed to get up and move around. It had been well over 30 minutes by this point and I was anxious to get into the labor and delivery room and into the promised birth tub to continue my labor since my contractions were slowly but surely growing more painful.

The on-call midwife, Gloria, finally arrived to deliver some bad news. Even though I had been told that my Group B strep results had come back negative from the lab, it looked like the results had been input incorrectly and my labs actually showed that I was positive for Group B strep and would need antibiotics. I had strenuously hoped to avoid this outcome since I hate getting IVs with a passion. I was positive with Zara and I found the IV to be the most painful and annoying aspect of the delivery. I was negative with Adelaide and really loved having the freedom of movement.

I also knew that getting an IV line with the antibiotics also had the potential to slow down my labor as well. They also need to deliver the antibiotics in two doses over 4 hours and I knew we didn’t have time for that. It was creeping closer to 7 AM by this point and for some reason, I was confident that this baby would come around 9 o’clock. After a lot of back and forth, Gloria finally agreed that we could decline the antibiotics (even though it wasn’t the “standard of care”) and that we would have to monitor the baby closely after birth for any signs of infection.

Finally they said we could move into a labor and delivery room and that they’d get a tech to start setting up the birth tub for me. But as with most things in hospitals, it seemed to take forever for anything to happen. Our 20 minutes of fetal monitoring had stretched to nearly an hour. The tub was inflated and brought into our room, but they wouldn’t start filling it up until the baby’s heartbeat showed enough “variability.” That took another 10 minutes of constant fetal monitoring (which they begrudgingly let me do standing up) while I powered through a few stronger and more intense contractions.

They started to fill up the tub but the water was barely even lukewarm. We cranked it up as high as it would go, but it never got very hot. They suggested moving to another room but I knew we didn’t have time for that. I just wanted to get into the tub for the last part of transition since I was already starting to feel small urges to push and my contractions were getting much more painful. Once the tub was finally filled, I climbed in and it provided some instant relief to my labor pains.

By now another midwife, Anna, had joined us. I’d only met with Anna once before (she’s one of the back-up midwives and not one of the regular members of the group) but I had really clicked with her at our one and only office visit and I was glad that she was there to help with the birth. Gloria popped in and out, but it was Anna who sat with us through the rest of the labor and who ultimately delivered Benjamin. 

We sat and chatted as my contractions came and went. My water hadn’t broken yet and my contractions, while definitely feeling more painful and intense, were still quite spaced apart. I was able to relax quite a bit between each one and as we neared 9 AM, a slight but not insistent urge to push started to accompany my contractions. The water was quickly cooling down. I knew I didn’t want to deliver in the tub, and I was just about to get out when a phlebotomist came into the room to draw some blood. (Why, I have no idea but it’s good she was so fast at her job.)

After she left with her vials of blood, I asked for help getting out of the tub so that they could check my cervix once more and possibly break my water and start pushing if the baby was in position. Anna checked me and was surprised to discover that the baby’s head was sitting low and that I was fully dilated. On the next contraction, she broke my water.

With both Zara and Adelaide, I felt an intense and sudden urge to push. With Benjamin, I just felt “pushy,” like I wanted to push but I could hold off if I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have this huge urge to push so it came as a surprise to both Anna and myself that on my next contraction, I started pushing and Benjamin just came flying out. With both Zara and Adelaide, I would push for a minute or two, rest for a few minutes and then push more. With Benjamin, it was five minutes of continuous pushing and then he emerged.

Since Anna had just broken my water, I was lying on my back when the pushing started, which was not the position I wanted to deliver in. I tried to turn around on the bed to get into a squatting position or on my knees but Benjamin was coming out too fast and I couldn’t maneuver differently. I just had to keep pushing in the most awkward position ever and suddenly, I had a baby. I couldn’t believe how quickly he arrived. He was born at 9:39 AM, so my prediction that he’d be born during the 9 o’clock hour came true.

I had a first degree tear which required a few stitches (ugh) and I held Benjamin and tried to nurse as they delivered the placenta and stitched me up. It wasn’t until then that we learned that because I’d declined the antibiotics, we might have to stay at the hospital for 48 hours in order to monitor Benjamin and make sure he didn’t have an infection. We finally got the pediatrician to agree that if his 24 hour cultures came back clear, we could leave after a day. There was no way I was going to stay in the hospital for 2 days. I went home 4 hours after giving birth to Adelaide so the thought of staying even for 24 hours was torture.

We were taken down to our new room in the mother’s wing and I passed an especially boring 24 hours. I know some women seem to enjoy their hospital stay because they can lay in bed and just focus on the new baby, but I was itching to get home. The hospital bed was uncomfortable, the food was terrible, and I hated being constantly poked and prodded every hour or two. Why does my blood pressure and temperature need to be taken so frequently, especially in the middle of the night? The only bright spot was that my room had an amazing view of downtown Atlanta.

In any case, we finally got the go ahead to leave the hospital around 4 o’clock on Monday afternoon. I am incredibly thankful that Benjamin’s birth—despite some of the set-backs and inconveniences—went so smoothly and that he came so quickly once true labor got started. Overall, it wasn’t a bad experience but if I ever get pregnant again (which I don’t intend to) I think I’m ready to do a homebirth. No more hospitals for me. But at least I got to come home with one cute little boy.

Edited to Add: I realize this post may come off as whiney especially since my complaints are so minor in the grand scheme of things that could have gone wrong. I recognize my extreme privilege in having such easy and uncomplicated deliveries when so many other women have much different experiences. But I did want to document all the events of Benjamin's birth and my feelings surrounding it which includes a fair bit of whining.

The Due Date

Google Calendar so kindly sent me two notification reminders that today is my due date. As if I could really have forgotten. Alas, I do not think I'll be having a baby today although I'd love to be proven wrong. I know due dates are really quite meaningless, but both Zara and Adelaide arrived either right on or the day before their due dates and it's hard to mentally prepare myself to wait longer.

Still, waiting might be best at this point. David has been trying to tie up loose ends at work so that he could easily escape should the baby decide to come but something popped up last minute so now it looks like it really would be the most convenient to not go into labor until at least Thursday night. Friday or Saturday would be great. Yeah, that's only two or three days to wait but waiting for babies is interminable. The minutes feel like hours, the hours feel like days, and the days feel like weeks. I have a hard time staying awake during the day but can't sleep at night.

Monday I had a midwife appointment and then took the girls to a nearby splash pad. Yesterday we went to storytime at the library. Today I have no great plans to do anything but lay on the couch and watch TV but if I get desperate, there's always Chick-fil-A. With any luck, we'll have our newest baby in our arms in a few days.