She's Here!!!

Introducing: Zara Hope Malone
Born: August 31, 2010
Time: 2:41 p.m.
Weight: 7 pounds, 10 ounces
Length: 20 inches


David and I went to sleep on the night of the 30th, anticipating an early morning wake-up call to head to the hospital to be induced. I was still apprehensive about how it would all go down (and how well I'd do laboring on Pitocin with no drugs) but mostly at peace with the whole situation since the baby seemed quite content to remain where she was and I was beyond ready for her to make her appearance. So imagine my surprise when I woke up at 1:30 a.m. in a puddle of amniotic fluid. I was not expecting my water to break (since only 10% of women actually have their waters break naturally) and I was not expecting for it to happen on its own. I woke up David and said, "I think my water just broke." David turned on the light and sure enough, there was a lake of water and more was pouring out. I asked David, "What do we do now?" I seriously had no idea what to do, I was in so much shock. David told me to call our doula, Tonya, who recommended that we shower, grab a little something to eat, and then head to the hospital, where she would meet us. While I showered, David cleaned up the mess I'd left in the bed (sorry honey!) and packed the car.

We arrived at the hospital a little before 3 a.m. and I was immediately admitted and taken into the labor and delivery room. (Luckily, I was the only woman who gave birth that day.) My contractions had started, but they were pretty mild at this point and were still about 5 minutes apart. (Normally, we would have waited to go to the hospital until I was further along, but the doctors wanted me to come in right away if my water broke.) I had to get hooked up the all the fetal monitors and had an IV started to get a dose of antibotics for Group B strep. Things seemed to be going well, although my contractions were not really rising in intensity or frequency. Tonya had me walk around (as much as I could) and do squats to help things progress. I really didn't feel too much pain at this point. In fact, getting my IV was the most annoying and painful part of the early labor.

One of the nurses--a Korean nurse who lacked something in bedside manners (mostly on account of her shaky English)--told us that the doctor wanted me to be given magnesium in the event that I had a seizure while in labor. We asked to talk to the doctors about this so around 7:30 ish, two of the doctors (Dr. Cundiff and Dr. DeVore) came into the room. Since I had been "diagnosed" with pre-eclampsia (a diagnosis which both David and I completely refute), the doctors wanted to take pre-emptive measures in case I should be one of the 1 in 500 women with pre-eclampsia who have seizures. When we learned a little bit more about the side effects of the magnesium (I wouldn't be allowed to stand up on account of the drowniess and diminished reflexes and I'd have to get a catheter), we opted to forego the magnesium because I didn't think it'd be a problem. (And it wasn't because there was nothing wrong with me in the first place.) However, the nurse had already gone ahead and started giving me IV fluids which is needed before starting the magnesium and that slowed my contractions down.

Dr. DeVore, who I wanted to deliver our baby, was scheduled to be in the WICU that day, but she had meetings and another doctor, Dr. Pickinpaugh, would be covering her until around 3 p.m. I'd never met the other doctor and she came in shortly after to introduce herself. She's 33 weeks pregnant with her first baby too. (I don't know why, but somehow it's always comforting when my female OB-GYNs have children of their own. I trust them more since they've been through pregnancy and labor too. Seems weird, since I certainly wouldn't expect my heart surgeon to have had open heart surgery themselves to feel that they'd do a good job.) They checked my cervix and I had only dilated to a 4, maybe a 5. I was shocked. I really thought I'd be further along by this point. I had been chanting in my head "You're getting big, you're getting big" during each contraction, but apparently, my contractions hadn't really been doing anything.

Around 10:30ish, Dr. Pickinpaugh suggested that I be put on a low dosage of Pitocin to help kick up the intensity of my contractions. I had really hoped to avoid Pitocin altogether since labor had started naturally, but I had been prepared for the possibility and so we consented to have them start me on a low dosage, which they did a little after 11 a.m. My contractions had started to get more intense by this point and the Pitocin certainly kicked it up a notch. I cried through a few contractions as they intensified, which only made them hurt more, but Tonya was finally able to get me to breathe through the contractions which helped to lessen the pain. I really was unprepared for what the contractions would feel like. The contractions of early labor felt more like menstrual cramps but these....well, unless you've been through labor, you know there's just no describing what it feels like. It didn't help that I felt most of the pain in my back and legs and couldn't get into a comfortable position. Your body is so hyper-aware of everything that's going on during labor. You're so intimately connected to your body and what it's doing but at the same time, it almost feels like you're having an out-of-body experience. That's the best way I can describe it.

I'd been on the Pitocin for about two hours when I started to seriously question my sanity. During each contraction, I would think to myself, "Okay, it's time for some drugs." But the contraction would pass and I'd feel okay for about a minute. When another contraction would come, I'd breathe my way through it as best as I could and think to myself, "Okay, just get through one more contraction and then we'll think about the drugs again." I was pretty sure I wasn't going to last much longer without some medicinical relief when my entire body convulsed and I said, "I think I need to push." The nurse came in to check me and sure enough, in two hours I'd dilated from a 4 to a 10 and was, indeed, ready to push. The nurses quickly got everything set up and the doctor was called in.

Pushing through the contractions actually felt really good. It still hurts, but it's a satisfying pain because you finally feel like you're getting somewhere. I do wish that I had been allowed to walk around or move into different positions because I think that may have helped speed up the pushing stage of labor. I pushed for about an hour just to get the baby's head to crown. Apparently, each time I'd push, a little bit more of Zara's head full of dark hair would show and when I'd stop, it'd retreat back but a little curl would still be showing. I was quite surprised how much time (about 2-3 minutes) lapsed between contractions. I'd push, and then sit there and talk to the doctor or try to get into a more comfortable position and then ready myself to push again.

After an hour had passed, I decided that I was done pushing and that I wanted the baby out of me right now. I pushed harder and harder (and I honestly probably pushed when I should have just rested) but I was desperate. The head finally started to crown and I said, "You guys weren't kidding about that ring of fire!" which made the doctor and the nurses laugh. After a few more deep pushes, the head finally emerged and the rest of Zara just slipped right out. David cut the umbilical cord and Zara was put on my chest. The nurses quickly cleared her passageways and wiped her off a bit and I attempted to breastfeed her while the doctor stitched me up.

I got a second-degree tear. I think I could have avoided tearing if I'd been more patient and not pushed quite so hard and long those last ten minutes but I really didn't care at that point. I'm just glad I avoided a fourth-degree tear. Those scare me. It took the doctor over an hour to stitch me up since she had to work very carefully around my Barothlin glands and repair some stretching to the surgery I'd had on those to prevent them from getting clogged. The best part was finally getting to eat the Snickers bar I'd packed to eat after the delivery. I was starving and that Snickers tasted glorious. I held Zara for about two hours before they took her to weigh her and give her a bath.

We were allowed to stay in the labor and delivery room for most of the day before they moved us into my own private room. I really lucked out since the other rooms are shared rooms. The first night was uneventful but the second night in the hospital was pretty rough. Zara did not want to calm down and I barely got any sleep. It didn't help that a big typhoon hit Korea that night and the power kept shutting down in the hospital. They eventually put the rooms on emergency-only power which meant that I couldn't move my bed out of the upright position. It wasn't so bad when I needed to nurse, but not so fun when I wanted to sleep. We finally made it through the night and after waiting awhile for the typhoon to completely pass, we were finally cleared to be discharged.


It's been so much nicer to be home, although I don't do much except feed Zara, change Zara's diapers, and try to get some sleep in between. I know it won't be like this forever and Zara really is a peaceful, contented baby most of the time. In fact, I'm the one that has to wake her up to feed. Otherwise, I think she'd just keep sleeping.

You go through nine months of pregnancy and so many hours of labor to finally get this thing, this child, who demands so much of your time, attention, and love. You're tired and in pain and life suddenly gets expotentially more complicated. There's this little person who is entirely dependent on you. You can't just run out to the grocery store or do whatever you want now. It's shocking to think how much your life has to change now but, in the end, you know it's totally worth it.

Zara was definitely worth it. And I still can't believe that she came out of me.