MJ called this period the newborn fog and that's exactly what it's felt like. The last two weeks have been a big blur of feeding baby, changing baby, and watching baby sleep. Time really doesn't have much significance when you have a newborn. Which is not to say that the newborn fog is a bad thing. In fact, I've been enjoying it quite a bit. But I do look forward to finding a new normal and figuring out how to continue living my life with my daughter by my side.
Saying "my daughter" still sounds really strange to my ears. And thinking "I'm a mom" blows my mind.
Just a few observations:
-- Zara is adorable. She really, truly is the cutest baby on planet earth. I know all moms think this but I'm pretty sure it's true in my case. I can't believe I grew her inside of me and that I grew something so perfect. Even her little pouty face is cute.
-- Zara also happens to be a very calm and happy baby. She rarely cries except when she's really hungry or really needs a diaper change but I try really hard to anticipate her needs so she never reaches the stage of all-out wailing. She would sleep through the night if I let her. The pediatrician recommended that I don't let Zara go more than 4 hours without eating until she's a month old so I've continued to wake her up at least once during the night to eat a little and she generally falls asleep pretty quickly afterwards. When I wake her up in the morning, we snuggle in bed while she nurses and then fall asleep together for another hour or two. I love taking naps with my baby.
-- Zara is quite the little chomper when it comes to breastfeeding. Sometimes she takes to the breast with such enthusiatic zeal that I can't help laughing at her.
-- Suyom still doesn't know what to make of the baby. Sometimes she sits at the edge of the bed and just watches Zara sleeping in the pack n' play bassinet or she'll come sniff her head while I'm holding her and then promptly scurry away. I hope they become friends. Suyom is afraid of every other child she's met.
-- I also thought boys were the great perpetrators of peeing on their parents while changing their diapers but it turns out girls are just as bad. Zara seems to take great delight in waiting until David or I have removed her diaper and then peeing all over herself, the towel and us. She may not get quite as much leverage as a boy but she can still get us quite wet with her steady stream of urine.
-- I know they say that when newborn babies smile, it's because they're passing gas but I'm convinced that Zara smiles because she's happy. She smiles quite a bit and sometimes shows off her little dimples. They're not as deep as mine, but they're still there when she smiles real big. Aunt Cassy is overjoyed at having a niece with dimples.
-- The one thing I don't like is how fast Zara is growing and changing. Everyday I think she's just a little bit different and I can't quite remember how she was just a week ago. It really does go by way too quickly. I look forward to watching her grow (and having her do more than sleep, eat, and poop) but I can't help but already mourn for the brevity of this newborn period. She's so sweet and cuddly, especially when she slips into one of her milk comas and stays snuggled close to my chest. I want to savor it as much as possible.
-- Her favorite way to sleep is with both her arms out-stretched above her head. She hates having her arms tied down. Even when I swaddle her all nice and tight, she still manages to wriggle her little arms free.
-- One thing I do hope passes soon is my constant need to check that she's still breathing. I'll wake up several times during the night in a panic and I can't go back to sleep until I've seen her twitch or felt her pulse. I know I'll eventually get over that, but I know that I'll never stop worrying about her.
-- I'm obsessed with Zara's hair. I love its color and how much of it there is. I know it may fall out and there's a very good chance it's going to lighten and turn blonde (both David and I were very blonde as children) but I'm going to enjoy my little brunette baby as long as I can.
-- Zara hiccuped inside me all the time the last month of pregnancy and she's still a hiccuppy baby. She also sneezes quite a bit. Her record is 8 sneezes in a row.
Of course I wrote this glowing tale of the perfect baby last night before I went to bed and then Zara and I had one of our most miserable nights together. She woke me up around 1 a.m. to eat (which almost never happens) and then proceeded to spit up everything she ate, cry for more, poop and pee all over me and refuse to fall asleep. So after three hours, three costume changes (for both of us) and one impromtu sponge bath, Zara finally got back to sleep around 4 a.m. and slept until I woke her up at 7:30 a.m. Once she conks out for her afternoon nap, I'm going to grab a little bit to eat, put in yet another load of laundry, and take a much needed nap myself. It really is a good thing Zara is so dang cute.
2 comments:
I still check on James and Anna at least once a night to make sure they are breathing. But it is worse when they are in the newborn stage. Sorry you had a rough night. Take a nap and prepare for more to come.
Nice work chronicling everything! I have this awesome pregnancy journal I kept and then after the baby was born there's a whole lotta blank. That's what I call the newborn fog. It happens to everybody from what I understand (just worse when you throw a little PPD into the mix). I hope you don't have too many more nights like that. Our crazy nights became waaay less frequent after the first month.
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