So um....I'm supposedly going to have a baby in like 5 weeks. When did that happen? Seriously? How did I get here?
Most days, I vascillate between being really, really anxious for the baby to just show up already (I can't wait to meet Baby) and being really, really apprehensive about the whole labor/delivery/instant motherhood thing that I lecture Baby on the benefits of gestating as long as possible.
[It really didn't help matters that I got to hold the most adorable two week old baby girl for about an hour at our Book Club meeting this past week. I kept thinking, "I get to have one of these soon!" and "Holy crap....I have to push one of these OUT of me soon." The fact that Baby kept kicking the sweet little girl in my arms through the walls of my belly certainly didn't help me think that all my lectures about long gestation periods are getting through to my little monkey.]
I think most of my apprehension comes from a sense of ambivalence and lack of motivation to do those things I think that I should be doing in preparation for my baby. While I experienced a huge urge to nest at the beginning of my pregnancy, I have no desire to do so now. I walk into our nursery at least once a day now, look around, sometimes touch the few little newborn outfits we have with excitement, and then promptly turn and leave again. While we have all the major items we need for our baby's arrival (crib, car seat, stroller, glider chair, and onesies), I haven't had any desire to decorate the room at all. There's no bedding. No colorful wall hangings. No babyish extra frills. I've been using the crib as a nice storage space for all my fabric and Suyom likes to take the occasional nap in the chair. And I don't know if I will ever get around to making up a beautiful, sweet little space for my little baby because 1) I just don't have the motivation, 2) I can't hang anything on the walls anyway.....there's concrete under the wallpaper and 3) the baby will be sleeping in our room for the first few months anyway and will only spend a few months in the nursery before we move. And yet, I feel some strange sense of guilt, like I should be pouring in all this time and effort into creating a loving atmosphere for our baby.
I also have a stack of books I've been meaning to read about natural childbirth and/or preparing for a baby's arrival. I read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth several months ago (and it was excellent) but I keep thinking I should re-read it again and take notes so that I remember all the things I had wanted to do during the delivery. I also have a labor coach book I've been meaning to read with David so that he'll be prepared to help me through labor (since there are no classes we can take on base and practice is important for a successful delivery) but David is so busy and burnt-out with work and school that I haven't wanted to pester him to look at hundreds of pictures of naked women giving birth. (And quite frankly, I haven't wanted to look at them either.) While I feel that I have adequate knowledge about the process of labor and delivery and have quite a bit of confidence in my body's ability to naturally birth a child, I still feel that it's important that I be as educated as possible. And yet I can't get myself to pick up these books and gather up all these useful and necessary information.
I don't mean to sound as if I'm panicking or doubting myself. Generally, I'm more excited than nervous about being a mother and more confident than scared at the thought of childbirth. I have very little doubts that I can be a good mother. I have great confidence in being able to give birth naturally. I think that those feelings of successfully meeting my goals has made me rather complacent in being AS prepared and ready as I would ideally like to be.
So how do I get over that? How do you think I should prepare for this exciting, miraculous thing that's about to happen to me?
Seriously, people. Speak up. I need your help and maybe just a little bit of encouragement and motivation. The clock is ticking.
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5 comments:
Stay up late and do lots of dumb things you won't be able to after the baby is born. Anything you might miss later--do it now. And maybe freeze some food. I think you're fine on everything else. Wash a few pjs since that's all the baby will wear at first anyway. The rest can wait. And maybe just skim through the books and talkto David about the most important things to you. You'll be fine :)
When I was expecting James I felt like I was a on a roller coaster going up the first big hill. I wanted to get off but knew it was too late and to only way to get off the ride was to actually go on the ride. I took a class it was no help at all. I would just skim through the book (especially the stages of labor) but don't worry too much about it. And make freezer meals. The days when you are a half dead zombie you will really appreciate that you did.
Get a mani-pedi: You deserve a little pampering! :-) I can't believe you're so close!!
Cassy, that's exactly how I feel right now. I'm on this rollercoaster and I can't get off. I'll definitely have to take your and Emily's advice about the frozen meals. I'd been meaning to do that but I think I'll just start doubling some of my favorite recipes for the next month and freeze half of them for later.
Nicole, I decided very early on in my pregnancy that I was going to pamper myself every week during my third trimester. I've gotten several manicures/pedicures, a facial, a haircut with a deep conditioner and one week I bought myself flowers. This week, I'm getting another manicure/pedicure. :-) I've really enjoyed it.
For Now: Mostly just have fun with your husband. Talk about the baby some, but spend as much time on just the two of you, being as lovey-dovey as possible without grossing yourselves out.
For Labor: Confidence is good and I am sure you will do great. Just remember that things may be completely different than what you expected and that is perfectly okay if they are. Just roll with it. Honestly, other than understanding the basics of what's going to happen there's not a lot you can do to make it go a certain way, so just don't worry about it. It sucks and then it's over. Whatever. But David does need to be briefed on the basics and most importantly what you want from him.
For New Baby: For me, reading about how to care for a new baby ended up being a lot more helpful than reading about labor. If you don't already have one, I liked this book: http://www.amazon.com/Heading-Home-Your-Newborn-Reality/dp/1581101570
Freezing meals is great as is accepting help from your ward! I don't know if your mom or anyone is coming but if anyone offers to stick around and help clean, make food, occasionally hold the baby so you can sleep, let them, as long as they don't expect to be entertained AT ALL. Remember all you really have to do the first month is keep the baby alive and keep the mommy as sane as possible. Everything else -- like being presentable, making baby presentable, cooking dinner, cleaning, etc. etc. -- can wait.
You're right not to worry about the nursery. We did not use the crib until she was six months old. And other than very immediate surroundings (like you), baby won't even really be able to see the nursery until three months and won't care much til even later.
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